Page 19 of My Husband's Wife
I watch her walk down the hill, kissing her little one’s head and speaking softly. Grabbing a bit of notepaper and a pen from my bag, I quickly write my name, an apology for the fence damage along with my contact details and post it through the letterbox of the house next to the fence. That’ll be an expense I could do without. I accidentally drop my keys but snatch them up quickly. As I turn back, Theo is crouching and picking something up off the pavement. I hold my car keys up. The photo keyring of Caiden must have broken away when I dropped them. That’s when I see Theo holding it in its little circular plastic casing. He stares at the photo.
‘That’s Caiden,’ I say, hoping for a reaction.
He thrusts the keyring back at me.
‘Wait,’ I call as he gets into his car. He might not want me to know who he is, and I have no idea why he would go to all this trouble to fake a death and pretend to be someone else, but he is still a father, one who loved his son to bits, and I know that hurt look so well. It’s the look of a father who dearly misses his son. ‘Why are you doing this to us? How could you do this to Caiden? I know who you are,’ I yell.
He leaves me broken and confused.
Several people have stopped to stare. A man shakes his head and a woman rolls her eyes. I get in my car, hands trembling as I drive off. They were all looking at me like I’ve lost my mind and I know only too well how that feels.
Fourteen
I sit on the beach only half an hour later, coat done up as I stare at the sea. All I can think about is how Theo drove off when we both know who he is. He left me there, looking like a crazy woman, in front of all those passers-by. The cliff behind me feels suffocating even though I’m not looking at it. I know it’s there, in the same way that I know my past is in reach and it’s trying to take my mind. My phone beeps so I pull it from my pocket.
Zach: I’ve finished for the day so I’m heading home. Should be back in half hour if you want to do something. Maybe we could have a pub lunch before Caiden gets home from school?? Xx
My head is so full it hurts. All I can think about is Madison telling me that she and Theo were moving to Loch Ness and then Theo staring at that photo of Caiden. I don’t know what to do with all my suspicions. Everything sounds impossible. And what happens next? I can’t keep going to the salon to speak to Madison. What if Theo told her that I kept calling him Hugo? She might not want me near them if she thinks I’m a bit weird. I touch my new fringe, knowing that when Theo saw me, it must have taken him back too.
‘It’s a bit cold to sit out here, today?’ Nicole smiles and sits next to me. Her green gardening wellies are caked in mud, and her wax jacket is done up to her chin.
‘I was just taking it all in.’ I smile, not wanting her to ask me how I am. The last thing I want to do is go on an unhinged rant about what I’m thinking. I’d like to keep her as a friend. ‘I still can’t believe I live here.’
‘It’s charming, even in bad weather. I was heading to the café to warm up a bit before picking Aaron up early for his dental appointment. I think he’s going to need braces which he’s not looking forward to. Do you want to join me?’
‘On any other day I’d love to, but Zach is finishing early and he’s promised me a pub lunch.’
‘Lucky you. That sounds much better than a coffee. He’s a good one, not like Aaron’s dad. You can tell.’
I shuffle on the damp sand to face her. ‘Are you okay?’
She shrugs. ‘He was meant to be having Aaron this weekend but he’s let me down, again. You’re so lucky having Zach.’
Nicole knows nothing of my past and I don’t know if it’s too soon to open up to her, but I’m going to give it a go. ‘I am beyond lucky to have Zach. He treats Caiden like his own.’ I pause, wondering how much to say. ‘Caiden’s father died five years ago. I didn’t know if I’d ever find someone I could love as much, but I did. Zach came into my life and I’ve never looked back.’ I sound sugary sweet and almost make myself feel nauseous.
‘Do you still miss Caiden’s father?’
‘I err, it’s odd. I sometimes think I see him still, and I dream about him which feels surreal. We went through so much together and for ages, I thought no one else could ever love me like he did.’ I frown. For so long I’ve kidded myself that the love Hugo and I had for each other was once in a lifetime, but I know I tested every element of our relationship and I’m scared I’ll do the same with Zach, especially if I tell him what’s been on my mind lately. With Hugo, the overwhelming emotions and confusion I suffered from the moment I found out I was pregnant with Caiden tested us both.
‘What was he like, as a father I mean?’
‘He loved Caiden to bits. They were like two peas in a pod.’ I want to tell her what I’m thinking, that Hugo did everything for our little boy when I was poorly. How he took time off work to care for us both; and he cared for me when I was in hospital. My heart pounds just thinking about it. I can’t imagine Hugo lying to me in the way I think he’s lying to me now.
‘He sounds like he was a catch.’
I smile and nod. No one’s perfect but he was close. Everything we argued about was my fault. I was the imperfect piece of the puzzle.
‘I often think about Aaron’s dad. We were stupid getting married. I knew it was doomed from the start.’
‘How?’ I don’t know what went wrong in her marriage but I still can’t get rid of that niggle my mum has planted about Zach. I rushed into our marriage and if Hugo is still alive, where does my marriage stand? It would break my heart to hurt Zach.
She shrugs. ‘We all have a past and he couldn’t accept mine.’ She pauses and wipes a tear from her face. ‘It hurts that he’s turned his back on Aaron because he adores his dad. I’ve tried to make it work but he keeps letting us down. I think I’m about to give up.’
I can tell she’s upset and there’s nothing I can say that will help. Aaron is a lovely little boy and it angers me that his father isn’t giving him the love he deserves. I reach over and place an arm over Nicole’s shoulders, and she leans her head on mine. Our friendship feels as though it’s at that stage. My friend needs a bit of a hug and I’m here for her.
She continues speaking and lifts up her head. ‘I love my boy so much and I can’t bear to see him being upset anymore. I give up with Will. It’s just me, Aaron and his nanna now.’
‘Does your mum live far away?’
