Page 47 of My Husband's Wife
‘I have. I’ve asked repeatedly if we can knock that wall through to make a family room, or if I can paint the walls. I’ve said more than once, let’s lay a patio, or can you sort out your junk so we can have some entertaining space? You never want to do anything or change anything.’
He leaves Emily, puts his glasses back on and throws the printout at her. ‘I know. I don’t want to do anything to this house. I don’t want to spend a penny on it. I want to leave. My therapist has made me realise that I’ve made myself a prisoner here. This is the prison I’ve built for myself but I’m getting better now. I need to leave just like you do, but I think better things wait for us in Scotland. We’ve spoken about this.’
He’s right. She’d been keen after getting caught up in the idea of it. ‘Maybe we can move out and rent around here for a while until we’ve sold. Take some time to properly think about Scotland.’ A part of her still thinks she might be able to afford her spa here, but she doubts it.
He huffs out a breath. ‘But I’m excited to move. You were excited too.’
‘But I’m going to miss Camille. Francesca and Eden won’t grow up with Emily.’
‘They can come and visit anytime. Look.’ He points to the printout. ‘Did you see that there’s an annexe above the garage?’
She takes it off him and looks in more detail. It’s a beautiful house with more room than they could ever afford down here, and everything about it is modern. New kitchen, new bathrooms. She knows it’s a rental but she’s daring to dream of bigger and better things than this damp, poky cottage. She imagines her new spa and that house with its sprawling garden and bifold doors to the most amazing views she’s ever seen.
‘Imagine it. Francesca, Eden and Emily all playing out together when your sister visits. It’ll be like a holiday that they can keep repeating at their leisure. This house is in a cul-de-sac. There will be neighbours, other people with children. It’ll be much better for Emily. Your friends can come and stay anytime, and I will do everything I can to get you up and running with a new business.’ He clears his throat. ‘I was saving this good news, but I’ve already managed to find work. I’ve been jobbing for this company remotely from here but they say there will be more onsite work when I get there, and it pays double what I’m on here. Also, it’s what I need. I feel ready to start working outside the house. It’ll help me get better faster and that’ll be good for both of us.’
He’s putting up a convincing argument for the move, and she guesses it wouldn’t be a problem for Camille to visit. It might be exciting for her and her family to stay with them. She’s already picturing Christmas dinner at a huge dining table in the open-plan family room. Her mum and dad could come and stay too.
Theo’s phone rings, bringing her back to the present.
‘Hello… hello…’ Theo says.
‘Is it them telling us the food is going to be late again?’ Madison says.
‘Who is this?’
Emily starts crying. It’s past her feeding time so Madison picks her up and begins to open her nursing top and unclip her bra in readiness. ‘It’s probably a pocket dial. Just hang up,’ she says.
He ends the call and begins to bite the inside of his cheek as he stares at his phone. ‘It was a withheld number.’
Normally she wouldn’t think twice about a strange withheld number but the uneasiness within is now amplified by it. She holds Emily to her breast and her baby feeds. As she strokes the back of Emily’s head, Theo leaves the room and barges out of the front door.
Buster yelps and snuffles, wondering why Theo didn’t take him out too, so Madison walks over to the window and watches Theo staring at his phone. He paces as if pondering what to do. The security light doesn’t come on. The bulb must be out, but he’s lit up by the moon and stars. He starts to prod his phone and it illuminates his face in a ghostly fashion. He walks away and she can’t see him anymore, all she can see is the glow of his screen occasionally peeking through the trees as the breeze parts them. She heads to the junk room, wading through all Theo’s clutter. Emily is still latched on and seems content. Madison resists the urge to scream as she catches her side on the handles of Theo’s exercise bike. Once at the other front window, she gently unlatches it and nudges it open, just in case she can hear what he’s saying.
His voice carries slightly in the breeze. He’s on the phone speaking quietly but she can hear snippets of the conversation. ‘I told you to never call again. You’re a fantasist, nothing but a fucking fantasist.’
The call ends as quickly as it started. She needs to get out of this room. She pulls the window closed and hurries past the piles of junk and the exercise bike. He’s already coming through the front door.
‘Madison,’ he calls.
She escapes the room of doom, as she calls it, with Emily still suckling away. ‘I was thinking, I wouldn’t mind getting some exercise. I wondered if you could get the bike out for me when you get chance.’ She has no intention of peddling for hours to get nowhere. That was Theo’s thing when he struggled to leave the house. For the second time that day, he looks at her like he doesn’t trust what she has said. First envelopes, now the exercise bike. She wants to rub her sore waist but resists the urge. ‘Were you on your phone? I thought I heard talking.’
‘It was work.’
Liar, liar, liar. Just like her ex-husband. Enough of the lies. ‘I heard you on the phone. I can tell something is wrong, Theo. I’m not stupid and I resent that you’re treating me like I am.’
‘I’m sorry. I’m such an idiot.’
Sorry – he’s always sorry. Her ex-husband was always sorry too.
‘It was my mum. You know I said she had a breakdown. When she’s sober, she’s really nice but when she’s had a drink, she blames me for everything. Like how I could be responsible for the fire that killed my family when I was a baby.’
Her mouth downturns and she feels a tear welling in her eye. Again she’d jumped to conclusions. Theo is going through far worse things than she could possibly ever imagine. If she’d have thought with her brain, she might have realised sooner that he wanted to move to escape here, the very place he’d spent living alone in his head for years. She walks over to him and squeezes his hand.
‘I know I’ve been a bit weird but I will sort it. I’ll sort her and she won’t be a problem anymore.’
The knock at the door makes her jump and let go of his hand. Emily stops suckling and begins to wail. It’s as if she can sense that the air is thick with tension. Theo answers the door and takes the bag of food from the delivery driver, offering him a tip before closing it again. She feels this deep anger rising, anger because Emily is distressed and anger towards a woman she didn’t know existed until earlier. Theo seems stressed, which is rubbing off on her. She also wonders what he was thinking of doing so that his mother won’t be a problem anymore, then Madison thinks of the wedding ring again. If it was found in their garden, whose was it and how did it get there and again, why did he bin it?
‘Madison, are you okay?’ He holds the bag of food up.
