Page 4 of My Husband's Wife
‘That sounds like the best plan.’
However much I want to slump onto one of the sofas and sleep, I know I have too much to do. I run upstairs and hear a voice coming from the room at the very end of the hall. I gently listen at the door to Caiden chatting away to himself. ‘This is our new home and this is my room, Doggo.’ A bit of clanking around is followed by more chattering. ‘Dad, we’re at our new home. Mummy said we always came on holiday here but I can’t really remember.’ He pauses. ‘I found this,’ he pauses, ‘which I’ll keep safe forever. I wish you were here and that you didn’t die.’
I knock before nudging the door open. ‘Caiden.’ I don’t see the object he says he’ll keep safe forever. All I see is Doggo and stacks of boxes.
‘I chose this room, Mummy. My bed was already in here.’
He still calls me Mummy sometimes, mostly when he’s tired, or he’s feeling poorly. I sit on the edge of the mattress, lean over and kiss his cool head. ‘Well, I think it’s perfect.’ There are plenty of built-in cupboards and shelves for all his toys and clothes, and being in the roof of the older part of the house means the room has charm with its uneven angles and vaulted ceiling. ‘I know you miss Daddy a lot. Were you talking to him just then, before I came in?’
‘No. Daddy’s dead. I was talking to Doggo and I know Doggo is only a teddy. I’m ten, not five, but I still like to talk to Doggo sometimes because he doesn’t ask me questions.’
I shrug and sit up straight, slightly upset that my son prefers to talk to a stuffed dog over me. ‘Okay, but you know you can always talk to me, about anything.’
‘I know, Mum.’
Freddie jumps onto the bed and begins licking Caiden’s cheeks. ‘Freddie, that’s yuck.’ Caiden giggles and play fights Freddie. As he rolls back onto the bed, he drags his coat with him, revealing something that makes me shiver.
‘Caiden, where did you get this?’
‘It’s mine. I want it.’ He snatches it from my hand and storms out of his room with Freddie barking at his legs. I’m open-mouthed with confusion. I want to call him back but instead, I let him go. I spot an opening at the back of one of the built-in cupboards. It’s a gap and it’s empty.
Why did Caiden have Hugo’s toy raven, the one with a sucker at its base? The one that had been stuck to Hugo’s dashboard when he crashed to his death? The one that was never recovered from the wreck of my dead husband’s car?
Three
I lie in Zach’s arms and ponder over that raven toy as I snuggle against his hairy chest. I’m still slightly flushed but I think I’ve come back down to earth now. ‘I’ve missed this.’
‘What, the sex?’ he asks with a laugh.
I move from his arms and sit up in bed. ‘Not just the sex.’ I playfully slap his bare arm and then kiss him again as I attempt to put the toy out of my mind. I haven’t been this close to my husband in ages and I want to be present.
‘Okay, my charm, wit and good looks.’
‘Now you’re talking.’ We have this banter which is why I feel so comfortable with him. He is the complete opposite to Hugo. Hugo was serious and mysteriously romantic. He was my Heathcliff. Zach is funny, more salt-of-the-earth and loves nothing more than rolling around on the floor wrestling with Freddie and Caiden. I imagine our new house filled with more children – once we’ve settled in, of course. ‘I feel so lucky.’
‘I can see why. I’m a catch.’ He presses his lips together and raises his brows as he waits for me to laugh.
However hard I try to push the toy raven to the back of my mind, it won’t stay there and I don’t know if I should bring it up. The last thing I want to do is start a deep conversation about Hugo during our first night together in weeks, just after we’ve made love.
‘Eva, is everything okay?’
I smile as I twist a few strands of hair and accidentally tear a bit out. Damn, I haven’t done that since Hugo died. I gently reach for the hair close to my neck, where the bald patch used to be, then I bring my hand back down. ‘It’s just something earlier…’
‘Something?’
‘I was listening outside the door to Caiden’s bedroom and I heard him talking to himself.’
‘Well, he is ten. I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about. What was he saying?’
‘Nothing really. He was just chattering away to Doggo.’ I don’t want to mention that he was pretending to speak to Hugo. ‘But that isn’t why I’m concerned.’
‘What’s worrying you?’ He holds my hand.
‘I found something and it…’ I felt stupidly overwhelmed after seeing the toy raven but I can’t explain why Caiden has it.
‘Okay, what did you find?’
‘Caiden had this toy. It’s a raven with a sucker on the bottom so it can be attached to things.’
