Page 24 of My Husband's Wife
I try to call Zach again. I’m worried and he’s not answering. I realise I don’t even have an address for him. All I know is he’s living in a shared house in Worcester.
I pick up all the sheets of paper and begin to flick through them with tears filling my eyes. No wonder Zach never wanted to talk about it. I read another report. Zach hid under the climbing frame house while he watched his brother get stabbed to death. My heart is breaking for the nine-year-old boy who had to witness that. All I want to do right now is go and hug Caiden.
I didn’t think we had secrets but now I know we do. He lied to me about how Justin died, and he never mentioned how well he knows Nicole. These articles might not mention Zach’s name but Justin and Zach’s mother are mentioned in one of them, and there is a photo of Justin. Why would he lie to me about something like this? And what more don’t I know about my husband?
Seventeen
As I head back down, I listen to the boys’ giggles echoing throughout the kitchen as Mum pretends to be a bear in her silly slippers, like she used to do all the time with Caiden when we lived in Malvern. I wish things were simple, like they were back then. Yes, I was grieving heavily, but the routine did us good. With all that’s going on, it warms my heart to hear Caiden having fun. I burst through the door and roar, making them scream even louder, and Freddie jumps around barking.
‘That’s enough now, boys,’ Mum says as she pants with exhaustion. ‘It’s time to brush those teeth and go to bed because you’ve got school in the morning. I’ll be up in five to check your teeth, see if you’ve done enough to keep the cavity monster away.’
They dart past me up the stairs, eager to have a sleepover. ‘Sounds like you were having fun.’
She lets out a laugh and sips her tea. ‘I’ve missed this. Did you get hold of Zach?’
I shake my head. ‘I think he must have got his head down for the night. He’ll probably message later.’ It saddens me to think he’s all the way over there, thinking about what happened to his brother while alone. Mum goes to make me one of her chamomile teas, so I sit on a stool at the island, thinking back to when Zach and I met.
I’d been attending the same grief counselling support group for over two years in that old community centre and still I wasn’t able to make sense of Hugo’s death. I couldn’t believe he’d take his own life when he had so much to live for. I even wondered if I’d given him the idea when I threatened to jump during my breakdown. There were no clues. Not once had I suspected he was depressed. Then this new man walked in wearing work boots and a paint-splattered coat. He stood beside me to pour some water out of the urn to make himself a coffee. When he said hi, I felt something I hadn’t felt in a long time, that telltale tingle of desire. At first I thought that the chemistry we shared might be a fun way to help us both. The last thing I expected was to end up in a serious relationship. When I approached him with the biscuits, I hoped he wasn’t a new widower and as soon as he mentioned losing his brother, I sat back and listened. I felt his pain and I shared mine with him. Within a month, neither of us was attending the group anymore. We’d meet up and talk about our loss, but that soon became less frequent and was replaced by bowling nights and going out for cosy meals. Caiden met Zach soon after. They’d wrestle and play games. Zach declared that his all-time favourite film was Despicable Me and he won Caiden over. My son loves Zach and Zach loves him. I couldn’t bear it if Zach had done something to compromise what we have.
‘Eva, tell me about Hugo. It’s okay to speak about him. He’s such a huge part of your past and I know you loved him a lot,’ Zach had said on one of our first dates. That’s what I instantly loved about Zach; he allowed me to talk until I was all talked out. I told him about how Hugo grew up in the Cotswolds with his parents, and how they weren’t close as a family. They sent Hugo to boarding school. They fulfilled their parental duties by turning up to our tiny wedding but that was it. A part of me always wondered if they thought I wasn’t good enough for him. They’d invested so much in Hugo, I think they hoped he’d marry a scientist or a lawyer, not a wedding planner that hadn’t even finished her degree.
‘Here’s your tea, sweetheart.’ Mum brings me back to the present with a cup of tea. The mug has a picture of me, Mum and Caiden on it.
I take a sip, almost burning my lips. Mum always forgets to add a bit of cold water to drinks that don’t have milk in them. ‘Weren’t Hugo’s parents strange?’ I ask.
She nods. ‘We said that at the time. They were so… mechanical.’
I frown. ‘Mechanical?’
She shrugs. ‘Just going through the motions like rusty robots; then again, I only have your wedding day to judge them on. His mother didn’t even crack a smile. Me, I was all smiles and happy tears. I always felt sorry for Hugo growing up without any love or warmth. They didn’t take up my invite to come over for dinner, and didn’t want to do anything with us and Caiden when he was little. I mean, what kind of family doesn’t even make sure they visit their grandchildren over Christmas when they live that close? Sending Caiden his presents in the post was awful.’
‘Hugo said they were like that all the time.’ I pause, not knowing how much to say. Hugo told me things in confidence and even now I feel like I’d be betraying that by speaking. His parents were emotionally neglectful but it was something Hugo never dwelt on. ‘Do you know, they never told him once that they loved him?’
‘I can believe that.’
‘At his funeral, my heart was breaking when they came for the ceremony then left as soon as it was finished, their faces like stone.’ I remember them not even coming to the wake at the hotel next door. ‘Do you think that’s why he’s able to be this cold now and lie about who he is?’
Mum stares at me as if I’ve just said Elvis is in the room, then I remember, I basically have. Hugo is not dead, though, and I need to find a way to make Mum see that too. I need a photo of him or a recording of him speaking. Mum clears her throat and slams her cup on the worktop.
‘He’s dead. Please stop this, Eva.’
I now know I can’t talk to her about this anymore, not without proof.
‘Did Zach ask you to come today?’
She shakes her head and goes to reply, but she’s cut off by my ringing phone. I answer straight away, hoping that it’s Zach but it’s a man whose voice I don’t recognise.
‘Hello, you left a note through my door. I was going to say, don’t worry about the fence, Theo came to fix it for me. He explained what happened and it’s an old thing anyway.’
‘Thank you for letting me know and that was so lovely of Theo. Did he say anything else?’
‘Like what?’
‘I don’t know. About me?’
‘He just said you were new around here. These roads are a bit windy. Well, thank you for leaving the note but we’re good.’
I breathe a sigh of relief as he ends the call. I could do without any further expense – then I think of Hugo, going back and fixing my mistake, just like he always did in the past. My heart begins to bang in my chest as I think of my big mistake, my big secret. If I get too close to the truth, will Hugo use it against me? My cheeks burn. Caiden can never know. I’d rather die than for him to know what I did.
