Page 1 of My Husband's Wife
Prologue
It’s positive. He’s waiting at the other side of the toilet door for me to reveal the big news. Finally, I’m going to be a mother. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. I dreamed I’d have two, or maybe even three, but this precious baby will likely be my only one. I place my hand on my stomach, and I know that my little one is barely more than a few cells, but I already love him or her more than anything. Nothing else in the world matters more than my little bean.
He knocks again. ‘Well? Don’t keep me in suspense.’
I slowly open the door and pass him the pregnancy stick. ‘We’re having a baby.’ I can’t feel any more love in my heart in this moment. My life is beyond perfect. The people close to me think we’ve rushed into this but when you know it’s the real thing, you know.
He picks me up, kissing my face and my neck, then he spins me around until I’m nauseous – but in a good way. When I eventually manage to release myself from his arms, he heads to the kitchen and puts some music on, returning with two champagne flutes. One for him with bubbly in it and another for me containing orange juice. We clink glasses. ‘To us,’ he says, his gaze lovingly meeting mine.
I look away from him and swallow. Why when I love him so much am I lying so badly? I can’t ever tell him that the baby isn’t his. I grab his hand and rest it on my stomach. ‘To us and our little life inside me.’
One
Eva
I always thought that once you’d found your one true love, there could never be another. How wrong was I? My heart is singing. As I tick off the jobs on my to-do list, I do it with a slight dance. Not only have I found the man I’m spending the rest of my life with, my ten-year-old son, Caiden, loves him to bits. I tape up the last packing box, then I write Shed on the cardboard.
Our West Highland terrier looks up at me and whines, his white fringe partly curled over his eyes. ‘Big day today, Freddie,’ I say. He wags his tail. I take a photo of him next to the box and post it to Instagram with the caption ‘new beginnings’ underneath.
My phone buzzes and I open the message.
Zach: I’m missing you like crazy. This place is amazing but it’s empty without you. Can’t wait for you to get here. I love you so much. X
I can’t wait to move into our seaside house in Combe Martin with my son and new husband. I think of all the work that Zach has done. Over the past two months, he’s transformed it into a home.
I packed the mostly eaten box of chocolates that I came home with yesterday. I’d been excited to finish working my notice and leave Malvern behind, though I’m going to miss my colleagues and I’ll miss Mum.
The removal people are due any minute so I take a quick walk around the house. I catch Caiden sleeping on the sofa with his mouth open. I navigate the sea of boxes to kiss him on the forehead, and he stirs.
‘The removal people are on their way.’
He rubs his eyes and cuddles Doggo under his arm. The old stuffed dog that his father and I bought him as a baby looks like it’s been washed up after a storm, and its one amber eye is scratched to bits, but it always melts my heart that he loves Doggo so much. At just turned ten, he’s still my little boy. I gently hug him and inhale his apple-scented shampoo and the slight smell of biscuit where he dunked a chocolate digestive for too long then laughed as the soggy biscuit slid down his chin.
The more I look at him, the more I see his father. The way his nose looks slightly long on his face is identical to Hugo’s. My stomach sinks at the thought of what I’m leaving behind. Caiden has grown up in Malvern. He went walking up the hills with his father; they fished in local lakes and went birdwatching together. I worry that I’m taking Caiden away from his memories and that he’ll forget how wonderful his father was. A shiver runs through me. There are things I want to leave behind, things that haunt me at night but I can’t think about them now. I breathe in and then out to quell the anxiety bubbling inside me.
Hugo has been dead for five years. I swallow as I think back to the accident. I call it an accident but the official verdict was death by suicide. Things weren’t always perfect between us and I feel churned up inside as I think of the arguments we had. He lied for me, covered for my shortfalls and he was always there. I have this memory of this faraway look that used to spread across his face. Hugo knew all my secrets but I always had the feeling I knew none of his.
‘Love you, Mummy. It’s all going to be fine,’ Caiden says in a way beyond his years.
My heart melts like it always does when he tells me he loves me.
‘Love you too, son.’
It’s actually happening. I’m leaving all this behind and the past will stay in the past. I am happy, really I am, but there’s a tear in the fabric of my happiness when I think of Hugo. He wouldn’t want me to remain unhappy until I die. I know he loved me and he adored Caiden. Scrolling through my phone, I find the photo of Caiden when he was only three, on the beach at Combe Martin in Devon. We alternated our holidays between there and the Scottish Highlands even before Caiden was born, and we wanted to share our love of these places with our little boy. The joy on Caiden’s face as he built sandcastles with his plastic spade never fails to make me smile. I put my phone down and check for the removal van out of the window, but it’s not quite eight in the morning.
I think of Zach, who is waiting for us to arrive. When Zach had asked, ‘If you could choose to live anywhere in the world, where would it be? We can go anywhere?’ I didn’t hesitate in saying Combe Martin because it was a place he loves too.
Soon the cold March mornings will be replaced by summer, and all I can picture is our new life and our sea view. A niggle makes my stomach nervously flutter. I wonder if it’s wise to go back to a place that holds so many good memories of my dead husband – but I love it. I love the rockpools, the cute cafés and the pub on the beach. The sheltered cove feels like it’s hugging its visitors, and I’d love to walk the South West Coast Path with Freddie. What I do know is I can’t stay in the area where my husband died. Swallowing hard, guilt washes through me again so I swallow it down and send Zach a quick reply.
I love you so much too, and I can’t wait to start our new life together. See you soon. XXX
A whirlwind of activity follows and the removal people have come and taken all our worldly possessions in a lorry. I lock the front door to the cottage that has been our home for a year and I post the keys.
I get into the car and glance in the rearview mirror. Caiden has a bit of jam stuck to one side of his face. I pretend to scrub my face and he laughs as he wipes it off. Freddie is secured so we’re ready to go.
‘What are the flowers for?’ Caiden asks.
‘I thought we could go and visit your dad’s tree one more time, before we leave.’
