Page 32 of A Love Like Pumpkin Spice
“What?” I stop in my tracks and stare at Lauren in disbelief. “Obviously, we didn’t.”
“What do you mean, ‘obviously?’” she scolds me playfully and rolls her eyes.
We’re strolling through the streets of Wayward Hollow, exploring our new hometown. And visiting the antique store, since Lauren needs a mirror for her hallway. Pumpkin is at home, sleeping her day away and exploring the little play pen I set up for her. She’s taking well to her new food, and I sent a thank you to the heavens when she began using the litter box without any drama.
Then I sent another one for being able to leave her alone without worrying she’d stage a tiny kitten uprising the moment I stepped out of the door.
She’s still a vocal little menace, but what can I say? I’ve gotten used to her sometimes more, sometimes less aggressive meows.
“That man took you home when you were in an exhaustion-induced delirium, made sure your cat was okay and fed, and”—she leans closer, lowering her voice to a whisper—“let me point out he never once laughed at you for the ghost cat thing. That man is boyfriend material, Nic. By the way, we’re getting a coffee first, right? We can still make it before the lunch rush.” She glances at me with wide, pleading eyes, and when I nod, her lips pull into the tiniest smile.
“And I recently got out of a relationship that shattered my trust in humanity into a million little pieces,” I point out and blow a strand of hair out of my face. “What makes you think I’m ready for a new boyfriend?”
“So what? Because Jay fucked up, you’re punishing Henry?” She shakes her head at me, eyebrows scrunched together in disapproval.
“I’m not punishing anyone,” I object and resume walking, taking a deep breath. “I just don’t think jumping into dating the next guy would be good for me.” Even with my family out of the picture, I can’t help but jump to the worst-case scenarios. What if he’s another guy who’s after my money? Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice …
“Oh, you absolutely are. Mostly yourself, though,” Lauren interrupts my thoughts and falls into step with me again. “Be honest. Do you truly think Henry is the kind of man who breaks hearts?”
I bury my hands in my coat, lowering my eyes to the ground. To be fair, I never thought Jay would break my heart either, but here I am.
“How would I know?” We turn the corner and Caleb’s café comes into sight. “I’ve known him for, like, two minutes. I don’t know anything about him.”
“Yet I bet you know more about his character than Jay’s,” she points out, nudging me with her elbow. “Would Jay have brought you home from Caleb’s?”
I take a moment to think, then let my shoulders sag and softly shake my head.
“Probably not on his own and not without bitching,” I finally admit with a grimace. I can almost hear his voice in my head.
“Why can’t you take care of yourself? Now I have to go out of my way to get you. Do you ever think about how much trouble you cause?”
It’s one of the many glimpses into my past that makes me question a lot about myself. How could I ever tolerate someone speaking to me that way?
And the only explanation I can find is that I was scared. Scared of more disapproval, scared of more rejection.
Scared of being alone.
“See?” Lauren says smugly, oblivious to the storm inside me. “Not every guy is like Jay. In fact, I think Henry’s the exact opposite.” She links her arm with mine and pulls me to a stop, pointing at the town square on the other side of the road. Speak of the devil.
“I mean, look at him. Everyone loves him, whichreallycouldn’t be said about Jay. His dog adores him, which also speaks for his character.” She turns to me, while I can’t stop watching Henry as he throws a stick for his dog, praising him when he brings it back. “You might think you’re traumatized, but I know you, Nic. You’re angry. You’re scared. But please tell me with 100 percent certainty. Would you have been happy with Jay? Like, profoundly, truly happy?”
I gulp. Maybe Lauren saw more than I give her credit for.
When we first started dating, I would have said yes without hesitation. Jay made me feel so seen, so loved. He’d say all the right things, get me flowers, boast about me to his friends, and keep me firmly on cloud nine.
The changes came slowly. It was a fight here and there. His doubts increased. Which led to me letting him control more and more in an attempt to prove myself to him until I didn’t have more to give.
It must have been calculated. Maybe Marissa wasn’t part of the plan initially, but the rest?
Until now, I haven't allowed myself to analyze our relationship. To see how blind I was to his manipulation. But now? The realization of its extent hits me colder than bucket of ice water.
“You’re seeing it?” Lauren asks cautiously, and I nod, swallowing down the emotions forming a knot in my throat. I see it clearer than ever.
“He manipulated me from the beginning?”
“That's what I suspected,” she admits with a sad smile. “You sounded sadder every time we talked about him.”
“Did I?” I try to think back on my conversations with Lauren, as she slowly walks to Caleb’s, gently pulling me along.
