Page 78 of Blood Moon
I removed my hand, but somehow, we found ourselves closer than we were before. “Do you think of her often?”
“Every single day, Mira. I can still see the look on her face from the last night I had with her. She’s there whenever I close my eyes, promising she’ll see me later.”
A lump formed in my throat as I tried to swallow. I felt helpless, longing for a way to offset the sadness I’d conjured. “I wish it were different for you.”
“I’ve grown past quarreling with whatever is up there in the sky. The world isn’t going to stand still for me, and I’ve accepted that I must live my life without her.”
I yearned to do the same, to forgive Rena, resign myself to whatever outcome may fall onto my path, but the consideration cast a sourness on my tongue, an aftertaste that wouldn’t quite let go. Another question festered. “Julian, do you still hate me?” I was unsure the answer, as my own response continued to drift. We’d made peace due to the urgency of the unexpected situation we’d been tossed into.
“I’m unsure how I feel about you,” he said, and I blushed pathetically, contemplating what I’d say next. The way Julian felt about me shouldn’t be of concern, but seeing him now, my heart raced, and my stomach bundled in knots.We were friends,I said to myself.Friends.
And yet …
Julian rested a hand to the curve of my face, smoothed the apple of my cheek with his thumb, and pushed back my hair, fingers lingering like a devotion for which no words existed. His lips pressed against my forehead, kissing me there before pulling away just enough to press his nose to me.
For a beat, it was just our breathing. The heavy ache of something more gnawed at us, whispering, pleading for a commencement. It was unbearable,excruciating. I wanted to perish into his chest, wanted his hands to tear me asunder.
He parted, the first to relent, and it brought a sense of dismay. “Sleep well,” he uttered, the sound of his voice reigniting a frisson.
Still, I moved closer to him. So close I was buried in the curve of his neck, my hand finding his, fingers folded beneath the sheets. “Is this okay?” I mumbled against him.
Heard him gulp, felt the vibration in his neck with his next breathy word. “Yeah.”
I inhaled the salt on his skin, whispered, “Goodnight.”
There, entangled in him, I let myself imagine what it would be like to trail my fingers across his chest, over the hollow of his neck, through his hair. I tried to remember the feeling of Julian’s mouth on mine. How I didn’t want to be careful with him, how it was sweet and acidic and full of splendor, inhabiting me for many moons after.
And I wondered how different it would feel kissing him now. How breathless we’d be. How honeyed he’d taste. The exploration of his hands on my body, trailing every curve. We’d move in and away from each other, until we were winded, shaky, and weak. Between his lips, I’d release a plea.“I need you,”I’d say, and he’d pin me beneath him as he explored every inch of my body. ‘Til there were no more secrets between us. Only truth.
But I didn’t do any of those things.
Julian was a safe place. A friend. And I was fearful of ruining that when I’d already crossed so many boundaries. Though he was right here right now—with an inkling telling me he’d play every part I wanted him to—I refused. It was merely that I didn’t need another person to walk out of my life. Couldn’t handle the pain of seeing his back to me.
I hoarded those feelings within and stayed close to him as the excitement subsided. A twist, and he draped his arm around me, pulling me closer. Another soft peck to the side of my head, and soon, we fell swiftly into an easy sleep.
CHAPTER38
We once called them fallen angels, but you didn’t see how she turned her halo into a thorn for me.
Article II, Lost Letters from Aadan the First
We rose with the fervent sun that Sunday, my legs wrapped around him, arm sewn into his chest, molded together so perfectly. Our bodies were slow to move, sharing sleepy smiles and warm sheets.
Speaking came later, murmurs as he rolled out of bed, keeping his back to me while he tossed my clothes on the blankets. I knew what he hid, and I chuckled as I slid on my jeans and he hurried to the bathroom.
In the dining hall, we had iced coffees and breakfast in a booth as I made Julian watch video after video on my phone. They were funnier to me, but a smile still found its way to his lips, even when he tried to conceal his amusement.
I watched the light in his eyes simmer and gradually fizzle to a kindling by the time we parted ways sometime after noon. My instinct told me to question him, but when the opportunity presented itself, he’d joke or say something to get us off topic.
It was as he walked away from me that I noticed how his shoulders and head plunged with something fiercer than gravity. Every step he took was like iron on glass, making me feel as though he’d been disheartened by some unseen entity. I debated if that entity was me, if I’d wronged him somehow, but when I planned on inquiring, he was nowhere to be found.
In the four days that passed after, I didn’t see Julian. But with the recent discovery, I knew that he was the wolf in the story,lupus in fabula.He’d been one all along, weaving himself in and out of each paragraph, waiting for me to find the sentence.
Once I had, I’d flipped through every page, imprinting myself in the corners and spine, folding it, breaking it. Only now, Julian had disappeared again. With him gone, I refused to be alone, still so terrified of the price on my head. In a fit, I worked out with the drill team, went dress shopping for homecoming, and clung to Stevie as much as I could, feeling like a burden. I’d never been so dependent and needy—not in a long, long time.
When I wasn’t with the girls, I was with Naomi. We studied together, and she gave me a hard time about Julian and Seven. “You need to choose one,” she demanded.
“You said I should date them both.”
