Page 81 of Keep My Heart
Martha gets the knife to cut it.
‘Wait!’ I run to the table to get my phone. ‘I need a picture!’
‘I’ll take it,’ Nick says, coming over to me.
‘You should be in it too since you’re the reason I did it.’ I look up at him, wishing he knew how much he meant to me. How much he inspired me to go back to school. How he made me believe in myself more than anyone else.
He catches my eye and I get that feeling again, the one that tells me there’s so much more to this relationship than just afriendship. I wish it could be more. I wish he wanted that and that we could find a way to make it work.
‘I’ll take it,’ Jason says, getting up.
I give Jason my camera as Nick picks up the cake.
‘Where do you want to stand?’ he asks.
‘Under the banner.’
Nick got me a graduation banner and balloons. I don’t know when he had time to do all this but it melts my heart knowing he did. I’m trying to stop having feelings for him, but he keeps doing things that make it impossible not to.
‘Stand closer,’ Jason instructs as he aims the camera at us.
I move closer to Nick, close enough that our sides are touching. He’s wearing that great cologne and it’s driving me wild. These past few days have revealed to me a side of myself I didn’t know I had. A wild, passionate side that makes me want to do things with Nick, things I was never that interested in doing with Chris. Our sex life was never good, but it’s all I knew so I never questioned it. I thought my lack of desire was normal and that women just don’t get aroused the way men do.
It wasn’t until this weekend that I realized that isn’t true. Just being around Nick arouses me. The sexual tension between us is almost unbearable and yet we’re acting like it doesn’t exist. The only time we even hinted at it was yesterday in the kitchen, but then Nick acted like he regretted it. I understand why he doesn’t want to act on our attraction to each other. He’s going away, and there’s a good chance I won’t see him again, but if he were willing to take things all the way tonight, I’d do it. And I wouldn’t regret it.
‘I think I got some good ones,’ Jason says, coming up to me to give me the camera.
‘You want any others?’ Nick asks. ‘Like maybe you and your mom?’
‘Yeah, that’s a good idea.’ I wave at her. ‘Mom, come over here!’
‘Oh, honey, you know I hate having my picture taken,’ she says as she makes her way over to me.
‘You look great, Mom.’ I put my arm around her and Jason takes the picture.
When he’s done, my mom turns to me and whispers, ‘I’m so proud of you.’
I tear up when she says it. She wanted to come to my graduation, but I didn’t want her spending the money. She doesn’t have much, and what little she has, I’d like her to spend on herself. I almost bought her a plane ticket, but then Chris insisted we go to Vegas so she didn’t need to make the trip.
We have the cake, which is delicious and big enough that it’ll take us all week to finish. As I sip my coffee and look around the table at my mom talking to Martha, and Nick talking to his dad, and Jason and Sawyer laughing about something Brody said, I realize how much I miss being here and being around family and friends. I have friends in LA, but they’re not like the ones I have here, who would do most anything for me. Even Nick’s brothers, who I really don’t know that well, would help me without question if I needed it. Like in high school when my car broke down and Sawyer gave me a ride home. I knew him from school, but we weren’t friends and had hardly even talked before that day. But he saw I needed help, called for a tow truck, and gave me a ride home.
‘I think it’s time I call it a night,’ Mr. Kanfield says, getting up. ‘I’ve got to be up early tomorrow.’ He walks over to me as I stand up. ‘I’m glad we could do this for you. Next time you’re in town, come back again. I can’t promise you a party, but we’ll give you a damn fine dinner.’
‘Thank you, Mr. Kanfield.’
He gives me a hug. ‘Have a safe trip back.’
‘I will.’I smile at him as I sit back down beside Nick.
‘Goodnight everyone,’ Mr. Kanfield says as he leaves.
We all tell him goodnight.
‘I should get started on the dishes,’ Martha says, getting up.
‘We got it, Mom,’ Sawyer says, motioning his brothers to help out.
‘You boys need to get home,’ she says. ‘Go ahead and go.’
