Page 56 of Keep My Heart
‘I’m divorced,’ I say, getting that sick feeling in my stomach that shows up whenever I talk about the divorce. ‘And no kids.’ I get off the barstool. ‘I should get going. Nick, I hate to make you leave, but would you mind giving me a ride home? Or I could call my mom and see if she could get me.’
‘I can take you.’ He looks back at Nash. ‘She doesn’t live far from here. I’ll be back in a few minutes.’
‘Take your time. No rush.’
Nick and I go out to the car.
‘What’s wrong?’ he asks, opening my door.
‘Nothing. It’s just getting late and you need to get to the party soon.’
‘You sure you don’t want to come? It’ll be a good time. Live band. Good food.’
‘Thanks, but I should really spend time with my mom.’ I get in the car.
He’s quiet as we drive back to my house. The closeness I felt between us earlier seems to have disappeared. It’s like Nick shut down after we made out at my mom’s house, but why? Does he think it’s too soon after the divorce for me to be doing stuff with him? Or maybe this just isn’t what he wants and he’s starting to regret us getting together.
‘We can skip tonight,’ I say as he pulls into my mom’s driveway.
He puts the car in park and turns to me. ‘You don’t want to go out?’
‘Your cousins are here. You should spend time with them.’
‘Lyndsay, what’s going on? Why are you trying to get out of our date?’
‘Because it’s not a date. It’s just pretend.’
‘Isn’t that what you wanted? Someone to practice on?’
‘I did at first, but now .?.?.’ I look down.
‘Nowwhat?’
I get out of the car. ‘I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Nick.’
‘Lyndsay, wait!’ He gets out of the car and comes up to me. ‘What’s going on? What happened?’
My eyes lift to his. ‘I don’t think I can do this. These fake dates are starting to feel real.’
‘Yeah,’ he says with a sigh. ‘I know.’
‘So maybe we should just end this.’
‘Is that what you want?’
‘No, but I don’t know how we keep doing this without having our feelings get involved.’
He’s looking at me but doesn’t say anything. Does that mean he agrees with me, that we should stop seeing each other?
‘Bye, Nick.’ I race to the house and go inside, my heart pounding, tears stinging my eyes.
Just a few dates with Nick and I’m this upset about it ending? I take that to mean I did the right thing. Giving my heart to a guy I can’t have is just setting me up to have it broken again, and that’s the last thing I need right now.
Checking out the window, I see that Nick is gone. I go to the kitchen and my gaze immediately goes to where Nick lifted me up on the counter. Now every time I come in here I’ll think about that, about what we did and how it felt.
Why did I have to run into him again? Why now? I just got out of my marriage. My heart’s still healing from Chris. This is not the time to be falling for some other guy, especially some guy who lives thousands of miles away.
My phone rings. It’s Diane calling, just the person I need to talk to.
