Page 50 of Keep My Heart
Letting her go, I lean back against the car, folding my arms over my chest. ‘Why accounting? Why’d you choose that over something else?’
She shrugs. ‘It seemed like something that could get me a job. And the hours would be during the day so I could still teach yoga at night and on the weekends.’
‘That’s it? That’s the only reason you chose it?’
She looks down. ‘It might’ve also been because of you.’
‘Me? Why me?’
Her eyes go back to mine. ‘You made me feel smart. You made me believe I could do more than I thought I could. I knew accounting would be hard, but I remembered what you used to say about taking things one step at a time. Like when we’d be working out a problem. You’d break it down into steps and tell me to just try to get to the next step, and then the next. Eventually, I’d get to the end of the problem and realize I’d done it. I’d solved the problem.’
‘And then you’d jump up and down and scare your mom,’ I say, laughing. ‘She thought you’d seen a mouse the way you were jumping around like that.’
‘I was just so happy that I’d done it. I’d done something I didn’t think was possible. I thought about that when I was trying to decide what to go to school for. I thought about how good it felt to do something I didn’t think I could do, how happy I felt when I actually did it. So I picked accounting. I decided to just take one class to start to see if I could do it. When I passed the class, Idecided to take another. And two years later, I’d done it. I got my degree.’
I step up to her. ‘I’m so damn proud of you, Lyndsay. I can’t even tell you how fucking proud I am.’
‘It just shows what a good teacher you were.’
‘It wasn’t me. I helped you get through high school algebra. College is a whole different level. That was all you. You did whatever it took to get through those classes and graduate. Do you get what a huge accomplishment that is?’
‘What about you? You got through college, then law school, and now you work at some fancy law firm in New York. That’s more of an accomplishment than me getting my associate degree.’
‘Would you stop comparing us and focus on what you’ve done? How far you’ve come? When I started tutoring you, you were flunking math, and now you have an accounting degree and work as a bookkeeper. That’s a huge accomplishment.’
‘I guess it is,’ she says, smiling a little. ‘I never really thought of it that way. I was just trying to get through school so I could get a job and pay the rent. Chris never said much about me going back to school so I guess it just didn’t seem like that big of a deal.’
‘Well, it is, and we’re going to celebrate tomorrow.’
‘With cake?’ She smiles. ‘Or was that a joke?’
‘I don’t joke about cake. Is chocolate still your favorite?’
‘You remembered.’ She looks into my eyes. ‘How do you remember so much?’
‘I’ve got a good memory.’
I really don’t, but I remember almost everything about Lyndsay. All those times we talked during her tutoring sessions, I listened to her every word, and whatever she told me stuck around, even all these years later.
For the past 15 years, I haven’t been able to get Lyndsay out of my head. I tried to, especially after I found out she got married,but then I’d hear a song that reminded me of her or see something that made me think of her, and there’d she be again, consuming my thoughts.
Maybe that’s why I’m still single. I was too hung up on this fantasy of being with Lyndsay that I couldn’t see myself being with someone else. If that’s true, I need to end this fake dating thing. Being with her is just going to make me think of her even more when I get back to New York.
But I don’t want to stop seeing her. And I don’t want to fake date her. I want to date her for real.
Chapter 12
Lyndsay
Why didn’t I marry someone like Nick? Someone who’s kind and supportive and smart and can fix stuff. He’s like the perfect guy, but back in high school I never saw myself dating him. I was too focused on Chris.
But now? All I can think about is Nick. I want these fake dates to be real, but I know that’ll just lead to me missing him more when he leaves. I’m trying to keep my heart out of this, but when he does things like help out my mom or insists on taking me out to celebrate my graduation, I feel myself falling for him in a way I didn’t expect. I just got out of my marriage. I shouldn’t be feeling this way for another guy so soon after getting divorced.
We’re back at my mom’s house now, dropping off the part for the dishwasher. As we’re standing in the kitchen, about to leave, Nick’s phone dings.
He checks it. ‘It’s Brody. Jason and him just got to Sawyer’s. He’s asking when I’ll be over. I’ll tell him I’ll see them at the party.’ He starts to text him.
‘Wait.’ I walk up to him. ‘Why don’t you just go?’
