Page 38 of Keep My Heart
‘Oh, and could you help Leah find her ballet shoes?’ Diane says to Tom as we leave. ‘Her lesson’s at ten.’
‘Ballet shoes,’ he says. ‘Got it.’
We go out to the patio and sit on the white Adirondack chairs.
‘You got really lucky with Tom,’ I say.
‘He gets on my nerves sometimes, but yeah, he’s one of the good ones. And a great father.’
‘Is it wrong to say I’m jealous?’
‘No.’ She reaches over and puts her hand on mine. ‘You’re going to find someone just as great. It’ll just take some time.’
‘But I don’t have time. I want to have kids. What if by the time I find someone I’m too old to be a mom?’
‘Then you can adopt, or be a foster mom, or marry someone who has kids. There are all sorts of ways to have children in your life without actually having them.’
‘You’re right,’ I say, giving her a half smile. ‘And I could always borrow Leah and Adam.’
‘I would love that. I could use a break.’ She sips her coffee. ‘So .?.?. what happened last night? It must’ve gone well if you’re meeting him for breakfast.’
‘Diane, it was perfect.’ I set my coffee down and move to the end of my chair, turning toward her. ‘I haven’t had that great of a time in .?.?. I don’t even know how long. Years.’ I hear how excited Isound and am reminded of what Nick said last night about how much I’ve changed. He’s right. I used to smile and laugh and get excited about silly things, but with Chris, that part of me faded away. He was always losing money in his business deals, which made him moody and cranky. He’d get annoyed at me for being happy because he wasn’t, so I learned to hide any signs of joy and eventually joined him in his misery.
‘What’d you guys do?’
‘Not much. That’s what’s so amazing. We didn’t do much and still had a great time. We went to a bar and danced and had some drinks, then went back to Sawyer’s brewery and talked for hours. I didn’t get home until after three. I told my mom I was with you, so if she says anything, just play along.’
‘Why didn’t you tell her the truth? You’re a grown woman. You don’t have to lie to your mom about being with Nick.’
‘I do when I stay out all night with him. My mom still thinks there’s a chance I could get back with Chris.’
‘That’s crazy! She knows the divorce is final, right?’
‘Yes, but to her, that doesn’t mean it’s over. Her cousin, Bonnie, married the same man twice and they’re still married. She’s told me that story a million times the past year, hoping it’ll make me change my mind about Chris.’
‘But she knows you weren’t happy with him.’
‘She also knows I’m not getting any younger, and the older I get, the less of a chance she has to get grandkids.’
‘Well, it’s not her life. It’s yours. Chris wasn’t the right guy for you, and if you’d stayed with him, you’d never meet the guy whoisright for you.’
‘Assuming I can find him.’
‘You will if you start dating. You can’t wait. You need to get out there again.’
‘I did, last night.’
‘That wasn’t a date.’
‘That’s what Nick called it.’ I lean back in my chair and pick up my coffee.
‘Nick said you guys were on a date?’
‘A fake date.’ I smile. ‘He offered to be my dating tutor.’
‘Dating tutor?’ She laughs. ‘Is this a joke?’
‘No, I’m serious. I was telling him how I need practice dating and he offered to help. He’s been on a lot more dates than I have and I think it’ll be good to get a man’s perspective.’
