Page 34 of Keep My Heart
‘Or maybe they don’t want to admit how much it hurts to see the life you thought you’d have crumble into pieces. Even if you hated the person, you’re still having to say goodbye to somethingyou thought would last forever. You can’t tell me that doesn’t hurt.’
‘It does.’ I look down at the table. ‘And it doesn’t make sense. The thing you said about it being over years ago is true. So why does it hurt so much? I should be happy about this. It’s what I wanted.’
Nick leans toward me and puts his hand over mine. ‘What you wanted was a guy who loved you and supported you and paid attention to you and did everything he could to make you happy.’
‘Maybe that’s too much to ask for,’ I say with a humorless laugh.
‘It’s not. Just look at my parents. They’ve been married forever and they’re more in love now than on their wedding day. They still hold hands. My dad still brings her flowers. My mom still makes his favorite meals. And now my dad’s throwing her this surprise party, which is totally out of his comfort zone. He’s never thrown a party, but he wanted to do something special for her birthday.’
I look up at Nick. ‘I don’t think that kind of love exists anymore, or if it does, it’s rare.’
‘That doesn’t mean you give up on finding it. You’re a beautiful woman with a beautiful heart. You deserve better than you had with him. I don’t know what went on with you two, but I have an idea based on how much you’ve changed.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You used to be the girl who smiled all the time and laughed so hard you’d have tears in your eyes and got all crazy when you saw a puppy. And your voice, you always sounded excited, even when you weren’t. You had so much life to you, Lyndsay. You had this light about you, and now .?.?. it’s like it burned out.’
I get up from my chair and walk away, keeping my back to him so he doesn’t see the tears in my eyes. Why does he have to be sodamn observant? And why is he pointing this out? I know I’ve lost a part of myself being with Chris, but I don’t want to be reminded of it.
‘Lyndsay?’ Nick’s behind me now, his hand on my shoulder.
‘I should go,’ I say, sniffling and wiping my eyes. ‘Could you take me home?’
‘Lyndsay, I’m sorry,’ he says, turning me around. ‘I didn’t mean to upset you. I only said that because I wanted you to be honest with me. I know what you’re going through has gotta hurt like hell and I just .?.?. I’m just trying to be a friend.’
‘I know,’ I say, nodding as I wipe the tears from my face. ‘It’s just what you said, I didn’t want to hear it.’
‘Why? Because you—’
‘Because I don’t know how to get her back!’ I yell. I hear a noise upstairs and remember Sawyer is up there, trying to sleep. ‘Shit,’ I whisper. ‘I forgot about Sawyer.’
‘He’ll be fine. He’ll go back to sleep.’ Nick pulls me into his arms. ‘You’ll get her back. It’ll just take time.’
‘I don’t even know that girl anymore. I’m not sure she’s even there.’
‘She is. I saw a glimpse of her tonight when I asked you to pretend date me.’
‘You did?’ I look up at him.
‘Your eyes lit up. You got some excitement back in your voice.’
‘That might’ve been the wine.’
‘It wasn’t. I remember that girl pretty damn well, and I know I saw a glimpse of her tonight.’
I’m not sure how that’s possible given how I’ve been feeling, but I did feel better being with Nick tonight. There were some moments where my mind didn’t even think of Chris or the divorce or the empty apartment I’ll be going home to.
‘You’ve been a good distraction,’ I say, pulling away from him.
‘How about I distract you again tomorrow?’
‘You can’t. You have the party.’
‘I don’t have to be there until the afternoon. My morning’s free.’
‘Don’t you want to do stuff with your brothers?’
‘I see them all the time. I haven’t seen you in 15 years. I’ll take you to breakfast. Maury’s Chicken Roost. Best pancakes in town. What do you say?’
