Page 134 of Keep My Heart
I didn’t get to tell him I was coming there. Maybe it’s better if Idon’t. I’ll get there, go to the hospital, and if he tells me to leave, I will. I don’t want to add to his stress. I’ll do whatever he needs me to.
I really messed this up, all because I didn’t trust him. I thought I’d moved on from Chris, and I have, but the trust issues that came from being with him are still there, and if I don’t deal with them, I’ll lose Nick.
Chapter 29
Nick
‘You can go see him now,’ the nurse tells us as we sit in the waiting room.
It’s nine the next morning, but I feel like it’s still yesterday. I was up all night, worried about my dad and thinking about Lyndsay. It really bothers me that she doesn’t trust me. I know Chris cheated on her, but I’m not him and I don’t want to have to keep proving that to her. If she can’t see that I’m different than him, then I don’t know how we can make this work.
‘You boys go ahead,’ Mom says to my brothers. ‘I want to talk to Nick.’
Sawyer, Brody, and Jason all get up and head to my dad’s room.
‘What is it, Mom?’
She sighs. ‘Your father’s been asking me about the orchard. He’s going to ask me again today and I don’t know what to tell him.’
‘About who’s going to take care of it? Tell him we’ll hire more help.’
‘We’re going to need more than a few extra hands trimming branches and spraying for pests. We need someone to take charge, to manage it. You know how much work it is. You were your father’s shadow all those years. You know more about the orchard than anyone, even me.’
‘So what are you saying?’
‘I don’t know. I guess I’m just asking for some advice.’ She pauses. ‘Your father mentioned something yesterday. I don’t think he meant it, but maybe he did. After something like this happens, you reevaluate your life. You see things differently.’
‘What did he say?’
‘He brought up the idea of selling the orchard.’
My heart nearly stops, then races really fast. I’m panicking, but I don’t know why. I always knew it was possible he’d sell the orchard someday, but I didn’t think it would actually happen. Dad’s never even talked about it.
‘He actually said that?’ I ask. ‘That he wants to sell it?’
‘He doesn’t want to, but he may not have a choice. After the surgery he’ll be recovering for months, and when he’s better, the doctor said he needs to slow down. He said it’s good for him to be active, but he was doing too much, working too many hours.’ She puts her hand over mine. ‘You know how your father is. Even if he hired someone to replace him, he wouldn’t trust him to do it right. Soon he’d be back out there, doing all the work and running himself ragged. The only way he’ll slow down is if he’s forced to.’
‘Mom, you can’t sell the place. You two built it from nothing. And you love it. You both do.’
‘Nothing lasts forever.’ She smiles, but she can’t hide the sadness in her eyes. ‘Maybe we’ll get a little house in town. Something that’s easier to take care of.’
‘Dad would hate that. So would you. You guys love living in the country, having all that land.’
‘I need to do what’s best for your father. As much as I hate to do it, I think we need to seriously consider putting it up for sale.’
‘You don’t need to be deciding that now. Why don’t you wait and see how Dad’s surgery goes?’
‘It won’t change anything. Your father needs to slow down regardless of how well the surgery goes. I don’t know what we’re going to do this fall. Your brothers can help, but they can’t replace your father. The only person who could is .?.?.’ She looks down.
‘Mom, I can’t. I have a job. A life in New York.’
She nods. ‘I know, which is why I didn’t even want to ask.’ She stands up. ‘Let’s go see him.’
My stomach’s in knots and every muscle in my body is tight. I feel like everything’s falling to pieces and it’s happening too damn fast. They can’t sell the orchard. It’s my home, the place I go to connect with my past and find myself when I’m feeling lost in the city and need to get away.
‘Nick.’ My dad smiles as I approach him. He looks so weak in that bed and in that hospital gown. Until now, my dad seemed like the strongest person in the world. It’s how I’ve always seen him—strong and invincible. But now I’m realizing that’s only how I’ve chosen to see him. The reality is he’s getting old, and tired, and his body isn’t what it used to be.
‘Hey, Dad.’ I stand by his bed. ‘How are you feeling today?’
