Page 100 of Keep My Heart
‘Most of it, yes, but we might reserve the pond for weddings or other events.’
‘That’s right. I forgot about the pond.’
There’s a small pond on the property that Mr. Carson would stock with fish. He planted rose bushes around it for his wife and a bench where she could sit while he fished.
‘I was thinking it might be nice to add a gazebo there,’ Martha says. ‘We could clear some space for chairs where guests could sit. We’ve had several requests to host weddings here, but we really don’t have the space for it, other than the barn, but if itwere me, I’d rather be married outside with some scenery around me.’
‘I think it’s a good idea. And if you fixed up the house, maybe the couple could stay there for the night, like a bed-and-breakfast type of thing.’
Martha laughs. ‘I think we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Carl’s trying to keep things simple and just stick to growing apples. He says at our age, we should be slowing down, not making more work for ourselves.’
Martha and I continue to dream up more ideas for the orchard. Even if they never happen, it’s still fun to think about. Her comment about slowing down makes me wonder why they bought more land. What will they do with it all when they retire? I think it’d be hard to sell an orchard in a small town, but maybe not. I really don’t know how farm real estate works. I’ve never even owned a house.
At noon, Nick comes out on the porch, his chest glistening with sweat. I try to keep my eyes on his face, but they keep lowering to his body.
‘We got it fixed,’ Nick says, wiping the sweat from his brow.
‘Thank you for helping him with that,’ Martha says. ‘He’s struggled with it all week. He didn’t want to ask you to look at it. I had to convince him.’
Nick sighs. ‘Why does he get like that? He knows I’d never tell him no.’
‘Yes, but he knows how hard you work and he wants you to have some down time when you come home.’
‘This isn’t work. I like doing that kind of stuff.’ Nick looks at me and smiles. ‘How’s it going? Is my mom telling you all my secrets?’
‘None, actually. We didn’t really talk about you.’
‘I’m gonna go shower, and then I could take you to lunch if you want.’
‘Why don’t you eat here?’ Martha says, getting up. ‘I could make you two some sandwiches and you could take them down to the pond, have a little picnic.’
‘Thanks, Mom, but I think Lyndsay would rather go out.’
‘I’d be up for a picnic,’ I say, thinking this will give Nick and me a chance to talk. We’ll be alone, with no one bothering us.
‘Great!’ Martha says. ‘I’ll go get it ready.’
‘I’ll help,’ I say, getting up. I smile at Nick as I pass him. ‘Go clean up! I’m starving.’
He smiles back, but looks confused. ‘Um, yeah, I’ll be down in a few minutes.’
This is it, my chance to finally get an answer about what’s going on between us. If it turns out he has no interest in a relationship with me, then I’ll force myself to stop dreaming about what could’ve been and move on with my life.
Chapter 22
Nick
The picnic was a good idea. We’re sitting by the pond, surrounded by trees and prairie grass. It’s a beautiful setting and we have the place to ourselves. It’s the perfect time to talk to Lyndsay. But now that we’re here, just the two of us, I don’t know if I can say this, or if I should.
I’ve thought about this all week, and after talking to Matt, I realized I need to make a decision. I either need to try to make things work with Lyndsay, or let her go. The idea of staying friends just won’t work. We both know it. We just don’t want to say it. We both have busy lives. We live on different coasts. And if she starts dating someone, he’s not going to want her calling up some other guy.
If I want a chance with Lyndsay, I need to tell her that. I can’t go back to New York without settling this. I’ll just keep thinking about Lyndsay and wondering what might have been. I need to just say this and see what happens. I’d feel like shit if she moved to New York to be with me and it didn’t work out, but I thought about it and decided maybe we could do it gradually, just to testthe waters before she moves there for good. Like maybe she comes and stays with me for a few weeks. I’m not sure how that would work with her job, though. I don’t want her to get fired for taking time off.
There I go again, finding excuses for why this won’t work. I can’t keep doing that. Like Matt said, I need to stop assuming that what I want isn’t what’s best for Lyndsay and let her make the decision.
‘Lunch was great,’ Lyndsay says, putting everything back in the picnic basket. ‘It was really nice of your mom to make it for us.’
‘Yeah, it was.’ I gulp down some water because my throat feels dry.
