Page 18 of Unfulfilled Promises
“Honestly, I don’t know. It took a lot for me to get her to say what she did. I only pieced it together because I knew Devlin and Elise’s story. I . . . I can’t believe they were so close and didn’t do anything,” I muttered and glanced down the table to see a visibly upset Devlin.
“To be fair, they were twelve and thirteen years old, in a horribly abusive situation, and only had a limited understanding of what was happening in that house,” Lucian tried to reason, only for me to scoff.
“They didn’t bother to look. She’s got so much pain inside her and she’s terrified to tell anyone about it,” I explained. “How do I help her?”
He looked down the table at James and Devlin, who were speaking quietly and quickly as Rhys paced close to the desk, running his hands in his hair and looking up at the ceiling. Lucian then turned back to me.
“I’ll leave it up to you, but here’s my suggestions. One, you don’t say a word and let this pass.” I shook my head, so he pressed on. “Two, you tell her what you uncovered, let her be upset, and be there to comfort her pain. Three, tell her, let her get pissed, then use your interrogation techniques to pull more information out of her. That one could blow up in yourface, though. She could shut down and then you’ve lost all connection.” He cut his eyes to the three men who’ve been her shadows for years. “Four, you keep building her trust in you, then you question her without making it obvious. Only drawback is once she realizes what you’ve done, it could cause her to turn away from you.”
I shook my head at all his ideas. “She deserves to know, and I’m going to be the one to tell her, but I won’t use her to gain information. Even if it’s the single piece of the puzzle we need to crack all this bullshit wide open. Regan deserves better than being used for information. She deserves a safe place, and I intend to be that since the three musketeers down there dropped the ball so epically.”
Shoving the last items into my leather bag, Lucian slapped me on the shoulder before he walked away. I looked up and saw Rhys walking toward me as Devlin and James sat at the end of the table with concerned looks on their faces. Devlin looked a little broken, and maybe I shouldn’t have been so harsh with him, but damn it, how could they have overlooked her? She was right there, and they somehow missed her.
I looked at Rhys, waiting for the typical big brother threat to kick my ass and was shocked when he started speaking. “You seem to be the only person Regan relates to. And if she’s happy, then I’ve got no problem with you. But I do have to ask, since she’s been so secretive about everything,” he paused and asked with what appeared to be true regret, “how did you manage to get her to tell you anything?”
“I treated her like she wasn’t broken and I listened when she spoke. I watched her, looked for the subtle cues you somehow miss when she’s overwhelmed, sad, angry, and even hungry. And I gave her my undivided attention.” He seemed to be baffled, so I explained, raising my voice so everyone could hear. “Regan doesn’t want to be questioned. She wants to be understood.She wants to be listened to. She wants someone to hear her, to see her.” Slinging the bag over my shoulder. “I listened, asked questions she was comfortable answering, and never made her step back into the painful memories she keeps locked away. I reassured her she was safe with me, and I never pushed her beyond what she could handle.”
Walking closer to the slightly ajar door, I added, “And I didn’t ask about the nightmares she survived. If she wants to say what they are, I’ll listen, but her past doesn’t dictate her future, so stop treating her like she’s broken because she’s not. She’s perfect, and I’m sorry you couldn’t see it sooner. So, to answer your question, I showed her love, like you should have.”
Walking out of the war room, I pulled the door closed behind me and hefted the leather bag back onto my shoulder as I began to walk down the hallway. I wasn’t expecting to see Regan a few feet from the door with tears falling down her cheeks. Dropping my bag to the ground, I carefully walked up to her, and with slow movements, I reached out and took her trembling hands into mine.
“Regan, darlin’, tell me what’s wrong,” I requested in a soft tone and, hopefully, with an understanding look on my face.
She glanced at the closed door and back to me as a fresh round of tears fell from her beautiful green eyes. “They . . . they were there? In that house?” she asked.
Nodding, I replied, “I don’t know how much you heard, but yes. The house you lived at in Tennessee was the same house Devlin saved Elise from. She was the little girl with the ugly name.”
“A-a-and why didn’t they s-s-save m-m-me?” she inquired, and I dropped her hands and pulled her to my chest.
Regan wrapped her arms around my waist, and I placed a kiss on the top of her head as I answered, “They didn’t know you were there, or I have no doubt they would’ve saved you too.They’re . . . they’re pretty broken up about it and don’t want you to hate them.”
I didn’t know if that was the case or not, but it was what I was telling her. The guilt and shame on James’s and Devlin’s faces when I walked out said more than words ever could, and I wasn’t going to blow up this family with secrets from the past. There were still too much we didn’t know and we needed everyone together.
For safety.
“I couldn’t hate them,” she stated. “They might not have saved me from that house, but they saved me from . . .”
Her words died, and I wasn’t going to push. All I wanted to do was hold her and reassure her that she was safe, that she wasn’t alone, and if her strength was as mighty as I knew it was, I wanted to tell her that I loved her and that she’s mine to protect and cherish from that day forward. But she was a mess, and I wasn’t going to pile more onto her at that moment.
Telling her my feelings could wait for now.
But not forever.
“Do you want to go inside and talk to them? It’s best to not let this kind of thing build up resentment,” I suggested, but she seemed unsure.
Carefully, I released my hold on her and took her hands into mine, placing a kiss on the back of each as I reminded her, “I’m not going anywhere, so if you want to deal with this now, I’ll be right there beside you.” Her wounded eyes lifted to meet mine, and I added, with as much sincerity as I could dig out of myself, “You never have to deal with anything alone because I’m not going anywhere until you tell me to.”
“What if . . . what if I tell you something so bad that you can’t look at me without disgust?” Regan whispered, and I lifted her chin, needing to look into her eyes as I said this next thing to her.
“There is nothing you can tell me that’ll make me feel anything but affection for you.” She went to speak, but I placed my finger over her lips, needing her to hear me. “There are things I’ve done that are unforgivable to some, and there are things I’ve done that I’m sure will keep me out of heaven, if you believe in that kind of thing.” She shook her head with a small smile, so I continued. “I know this is very new between the two of us, but I need you to know something. I see you, Regan. I see the beautiful woman who hides her pain behind a fake smile.” Stroking her cheek, I peered deeply into her eyes as I said, “I see the woman who wants to live but is afraid of something, and I hope that one day you’ll trust me enough to help you carry the burden. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, you can say that will change my mind. Whatever it is, I know you did what you had to do to survive, and that makes you badass.”
“But what if I can’t forgive myself?” she inquired, and I leaned down and placed a soft, chaste kiss on her lips.
“Then we’ll cross that bridge one day at a time.” A loud shout from the room behind us drew her attention, and I looked down and asked, “What do you want to do, beautiful?”
She briefly closed her eyes and took a deep breath as I continued to run my fingers down her cheek softly. When she opened her eyes, I saw determination and strength looking back at me, and I couldn’t help but smile.
“There you are, my little badass.” Nodding to the closed door, I suggested, “Let’s go deal with this, then we can go to an early dinner. But we have one stop on the way.” We moved to the door and could hear Lucian and Rhys shouting back and forth at each other. Looking down at her, I asked, “Are you ready?”
