Page 89 of Treacherous
Is this what Willow meant when she said she would win me back? Yesterday is seared into my brain because I nearly dropped to my knees and begged her to come to bed with me.
To let me hold her for the night or even better, every night for the rest of our lives.
Willow doesn’t need to grovel for me, I would accept her in a heartbeat but part of me believes this is whatsheneeds. Willow has to learn how to forgive herself. Although, I’m not one to talk, because it took me years to learn as well. Honestly, I’m still learning how.
Either way, I will wait for Willow, no matter how long it takes.
The bed squeaks under me as I move to my desk and pin the note to my corkboard. I spend the entire day trying to complete assessments that are due within the next month. My eyes have a different idea, lingering on the yellow sticky note, with slanted writing.
20th March
The next note came four days later, stuck on the wall in the entryway.
Relationships have never been good to me. I took my fears out on you, without thinking. Then I remembered that you are special. Even when I thought I hated you,I trusted you with my life. My heart is fragile at the moment, but I know you will take good care of it.
A smile curves on my lips and I fold the note, placing it in my pocket with the utmost care.
Willow and I have shared looks across the room but nothing more than that. I don’t want to interfere for selfish reasons, as these notes are becoming my fucking lifeline. I’ll take the smallest scrap of Willow if that’s all she has to offer.
It isn’t until the end of my gym session that I realise another note is waiting in my cubby.
How the hell did she do that without me knowing? I chuckle. My teammates have been acting slightly suspicious, so it wouldn’t surprise me if they have become Willow’s little helpers.
I miss your touch. I miss your presence. Every night I wonder what would happen if I snuck into your bed. I hope you would let me stay.
It takes every ounce of my control not to rush back home into Willow’s bedroom and haul her into mine. I won’t hesitate to tie her to my bed so she could never leave again.
A groan escapes me, thinking of the last time I did exactly that. I want her body clinging to mine, like nothing else in the world mattered.
Once again, I fold the note and slide it into my pocket with the other. I carry them with me all day, and it feels like I’ve been granted a piece of Willow’s soul. When I arrive home, I pin the two sticky notes to my board, reading the three of them again.
I fall asleep that night, praying that another would appear under my door the next day.
24th March
Today’s note came with a picture I thought was lost.
A smile pulls at my lips, I drag my thumb down one of the people in the photo–the one that matters: Willow in her prom dress. It was emerald green with leg slit that made my mouth water. It still does.
Only the top half of the dress is photographed, as it was a selfie we took after running away from the school, where prom was held.
I didn’t want to be there any longer, wallowing in grief and guilt. Why should I attend prom, when my girlfriend at the time would never get the chance?
I ran into Willow on the way out. She wanted to ditch her boyfriend, who was being a total dick. So, we made our way down the quiet main street, ending up at the beach.
On the walk, we didn’t speak, but I realise now, we didn’t need to.
On the back of the photo is Willow’s handwriting.
I printed this photo out as a reminder that the right person for me was out in the world. You were one of the reasons I officially dumped my ex-boyfriend. Our time at the beach caused an epiphany. It was also the first time I admitted to myself that I would like to kiss you again.
I inhale sharply. After Willow and I left the beach, I hibernated in my room for days. Guilt consumed me. My girlfriend had only been buried for three months and here I was, wanting to kiss Willow.
It was betrayal to Allison, especially when the person we fought most about was Willow.
I pin the photograph to my corkboard before lying in bed. Melting into the mattress, I flick my eyes shut, hoping to dream of a future where Willow and I are together.
30th March
