Page 146 of Treacherous
A remain quiet, Cooper’s words playing on repeat in my mind. In some ways, he is right but in my experience, chaos has been my downfall. I attribute the loss of Allison to chaos, and it is one of the reasons I’m always searching to control my emotions.
I’ll admit that sometimes I go too far, trying to project onto others. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that it is Willow that tugs that response from me.
“I’ve never seen this woman before,” Cooper says, drawing my attention. “Who is she?”
My eyes flutter shut, and fists clench the bedsheets. Not many people know about my past. Telling people I was driving the car when me and my high school girlfriend got into a car accident isn’t a great conversation starter.
Especially considering the outcome for Allison.
I clear my throat. “Her name was Allison, she was my girlfriend for most of high school. She…” I swallow back the lump that is stuck in my throat. “She died in a car accident. I was driving, and a drunk driver hit us.”
Cooper’s jaw drops, eyes softening. “Shit, Jayden. I’m sorry, I didn’t realise.”
“It’s okay. Most people on the team don’t know. Probably Willow and Aiden.”
Aiden is my closest friend on the team, both of us coming to Lakewood in our freshman year. Willow, on the other hand, she was at the hospital afterwards.
Meadow Beach - Four Years Ago
My sister rushes into the hospital room, wrapping her arms around me. It hits me all at once, being in her arms. Jaz doesn’t let go, and I never want her to. My sobs grow louder, and I swear it's becoming harder to breathe. My heart is shattering into pieces the more I think about the events.
Jaz hugs me tighter, her quiet tears slipping onto my hospital gown.
“She’s gone. It’s all my fault. She’s gone.”
The monitors behind me beeping continuously, reminding me to gulp in a breath.
“Who is gone?” Jaz whispers into my hair.
My voice is distraught, but I manage to say her name through the tears. "Allison.”
I did this. This is all my fault. Allison never drinks, but this time was different. Our fight is on repeat in my head. I look up, over Jaz’s shoulder, and my eyes focus on Willow. I squeeze my eyes shut, not wanting to look at her. I can't look at her.
I fucking hate myself. Why didn't I die instead of Alli?
Why did it have to be her?
Present Time – Hockey House
“You okay, Jay?”
Cooper’s voice causes my head to snap toward him. I brush the rouge tear out of my eye. “Yeah, I’m fine.” I swallow, looking at my watch. “It’s time for training.”
Cooper seems to take the hint and leaves me alone.
I change, pushing the thoughts of the car accident and Allison to the back of my mind. I don’t want the past on my mind, especially when all my thoughts at the moment are of Willow.
If I were smart, I would stop pursuing her even if it is for a purely physical relationship. But for some reason, I can’t help myself. Maybe it’s the challenge, or I just need to get laid. Either way, it’s the first time I’m embracing the chaos because part of me wants to find out what happens when I stand too close to the fire that is Willow Rogers.
***
Despite being at a hockey rink for most of my life, I’m always cold. I rub my palms together, creating body heat to keep me warm. I’m still waiting for my body to adapt to freezing conditions.
I walk to the stands, where my teammates are sitting, to put their skates on. I do the same, not wanting to waste another moment.
Tomorrow will be our twelfth game of the season, which is crazy to think. All the boys are itching to get on the ice because we are playing Willow’s old team.
She hasn’t told us anything, not even Cooper, about what went down in Nevada. Whatever it was, it was bad if the beginning of this semester was any indication.
