Page 116 of Treacherous
I’m trying to take senior year one day at a time, the uncertainty of my future hanging like a storm cloud over my head.
I’m praying that by May next year, the clouds will clear, showing me the direction I need to follow post-graduation. But as the days dwindle, optimism seeps from my body in pounds.
My chest tightens and I force myself to inhale. I smile, hiding the true extent of the thoughts lingering in my head.
***
My body temperature drops as I walk through the doors of Lakewood Centre, with my duffle bag slung over my shoulders.
Our hockey team, the Hawks, have had success over the past ten years, allowing for a new arena to be built. Although it was named after the university with the main purpose to have a state-of-the-art facility for players, community groups and the figure skaters at Lakewood also use the space.
I had a look at the arena on my first day before I moved into the Hockey House. Cami was on a tour and allowed me to tag along with her. And to say I was impressed is an understatement.
I walk towards the coaches who are standing outside our meeting room. This room is where we are to meet before and after training for debriefs about performance.
Tuesdays are one of the two days that we complete drills on the ice. Ecstasy runs through my veins as I approach the barriers. Even looking at the ice makes me feel at home.
“Hey Willow, come on through. Everyone is waiting,” Coach West says.
My eyebrows furrowed. “I’m not late, am I?” I can’t help the worried tone that coats my words. Making a bad impression is not what I wanted, especially since this will be my first time being on the ice with the boys and not playing against them.
Unfortunately, I also know as a woman, everyone’s eyes watch me instinctively. And it’s not because they think I’m a good player, it’s because they want to find a reason to degrade my skills to force me out of the game.
“No, not at all. The boys are early. Doing drills on the ice is their favourite type of preseason training.”
Relief falls over my body, tension releasing from my shoulders. Thank fuck. I follow Coach West and the assistant coach, Lucas Harris, into the meeting room. When I researched the coaching staff, I had to promise myself I wouldn’t fan girl over the two men.
They were both great players in the NHL, but they never did win a Stanley Cup. But if you ask me, Coach Harris was robbed during the 2018 – 2019 season.
All my teammates are sitting in plastic chairs, which are lined up in groups of three. I grind my teeth against each other when I spy the only chair left is next to Jayden.
The hairs on the back of my neck straighten as his gaze run down my body. I refuse to look at him as I take a seat, placing my bag beside me.
“Alright, let’s get started.” Coach West says. “As you all know, Willow has joined us from Nevada to take Dallas’ place. I want to start by making something very clear. Willow is your teammate and equal. I will not tolerate any disrespectful comments, evenif they are a joke. Because you will be sitting out games as punishment.”
Oxygen rushes to my lungs as I try to keep a straight face. This is the first time I’ve ever heard this conversation take place. It didn’t happen in Nevada because that place was toxic and a fucked-up place to be.
“I’m saying this as a warning but I would like to believe all of you are good men and would never make these comments regardless of me telling you not to. Now, a bit of housekeeping, we are still working to have a space for Willow to shower privately.”
What is he even talking about? “That’s fine. I’ll just shower with everyone else,”
It’s what I have been doing for the past three years anyway. You would think I hate it because the boys are always perving on me, which did happen, but really, it’s because I’m forced to see their small dicks.
A shudder rolls through my body. I have seen too many dicks in my lifetime.
I glance out the corner of my eye to see all the boys and the coaches staring at me with wide eyes.
“That isnothappening,” Jayden scowls.
My nostrils flare. “I can speak for myself, thank you very much.”
Coach West looks between Jayden and I before continuing. “I agree with Jayden. I don’t know how things worked in Nevada, but if that’s what was happening, I will be considering putting in a complaint against them. That is a severe invasion of privacy and to be honest just fucking wrong,”
I push down a laugh when the curse word leaves Coach West’s mouth. I look up, meeting his eyes. Oh, he is dead serious.
After freshman year, I told myself to suck it up when I had to shower after games. I would leave my sports bra and underwearon, quickly wash the sweat off and then go home. It was only once I was there did I strip and scrub every inch of my body.
Now that I think about it, that was another tool the coaches and boys used to drive me off the team. I sigh as the toxic memories flash in my mind. Every time I interact with someone from Lakewood who is involved with the hockey team, they treat me with respect.
