Page 64 of Treacherous
My body trembles, sinking further into the ground. I can’t intervene, the ache consuming my heart like it did when Alli died in my arms.
This memory is attached to the worst day of my life. The last words I said to Alli were fucking lies. She placed her faith in me, and I betrayed it.
I betrayed it then, and I’m still doing it now. I wanted Alli to stay that day, but she needed to head home before going to a family party.
Later that night, when she called me to pick her up, I was there in a heartbeat. I was trying to multitask on the way home—trying to take care of her while she was drunk and drive at the same time. I didn’t see the other car coming until it was too fucking late.
Later, we found out the other driver was drink driving. Everyone told me I could stop blaming myself, but I couldn’t. In every scenario that played in my mind, it was my fault.
First the fight, then the accident. I couldn’t look at Willow for weeks afterwards.
“I’m so sorry,” I whimper, inhaling a deep breath. I stare at the headstone, wiping the tears from my eyes and waiting for a sign that Alli is here with me. “There is something between me and Willow. I don’t know what it is, but it’s the first time I’ve feltsomething other than lust since you. I don’t think I could keep going if I lost Willow.”
The thought strikes my heart, my head falling into the palms of my hands. I’m falling and I’m terrified there won’t be a way out. I close my eyes before looking up to Allison’s name.
“I will always love you, Alli.” I swallow before continuing. “But it’s time to go.”
***
Christmas Day is overwhelming at Meadow Beach.
Children are trampling each other, racing to the tree to see what presents were left. The adults laugh, but are surviving on limited sleep and multiple cups of coffee.
I'm wearing a Santa hat and sitting on the wooden floor next to the tree. These days, I’m always tasked with handing out the presents, but I don’t mind.
Mum and Dad are returning from the kitchen with trays that hold food and drinks. They place them on the coffee table that has been moved to the right side of the tree, so there is more room for everyone.
My mum doesn’t have any siblings, but that doesn’t matter because my dad has two younger sisters, Emma and Payton. They are both married with two kids, all of whom love Christmas.
Emma and her husband, Dante, are sharing the largest couch with Payton and Kaleb, her husband. Willow and Cameron are joined by Jaz and Theo on the floor with the youngest kids ready to swarm me.
Finally, Willow’s parents, Miranda and Richard, are standing behind the beige couches, next to my parents.
“Can we please do presents now?” Katie–Payton and Kaleb’s youngest asks.
With a yes from all the parents, I start handing out presents. It doesn’t take long until we are drowning in wrapping paper, and the room is filled with boisterous kids. Safe to say, they are happy with their presents.
Eventually, the kids migrate into the second lounge room upstairs, wanting to play with all the toys they unwrapped. The adults remain, so we can complete our Secret Santa. These days, that is the easiest way to organise presents for one another.
This year, I pulled Willow’s name.
It took me a while to figure out what to buy her. The first thing I thought of was a vibrator, but then I realised she would have to open in front of our parents, so that wasn’t happening.
Then, I walked past a jeweller on my weekly grocery shop. Willow wears a charm bracelet every day, with the only exception being game days. After an hour of searching the shop, I found the perfect charm: a woman holding a hockey stick.
I open my present, laughing because I immediately know who it’s from. “Thanks, Jaz.”
My sister’s jaw drops in disbelief. “How did you know it was me?”
I can’t stop laughing. “I’m holding socks that have your face on them.”
Jaz rolls her eyes, shrugging her shoulders. “Well, you said you needed more socks.”
I shake my head, but my eyes lock onto Willow’s hands when she picks up her gift. She is the last one. Willow carefully unwraps the ribbon and slides the box open.
She gasps. “Holy shit. It’s beautiful.”
“What is it?” Jaz leans over her shoulder, a smile on her lips. “Wow. That’s perfect. Want me to put it on your bracelet?”
