Page 171 of Treacherous
I feel perfect. Your touch feels perfect. Everything feels fucking perfect.
It’s moments like these that are helping patch my heart up, and as much as I want to hate him for it, I can’t. I’ve been down this rabbit hole before, and it ended in disaster.
What the fuck am I going to do?
Chapter 26
Willow Rogers
“And smile,” Sofia says, snapping photos of the twins.
Jaz is grinning, revealing her dimples, while Jayden offers a no-teeth smile. Talk about a grump. I hide my chuckle as I take in the siblings. I’ve always found it crazy that Jaz and Jayden look nothing alike. The only similarities include green eyes and curly hair.
I focus on Jayden, his tattoo sleeve on display makes my mouth water. If everyone I know weren’t present, I would be drooling and trying to climb him like a tree.
Somehow, I drag my eyes away from the muscular outline of Jayden’s torso and his wavy brown hair.
Over her past couple of months, it’s like my frequency has been tuned to notice the little things about Jayden. I used to seehis controlling personality as a bad thing, yet these days I realise it is his way of showing he cares.
In the morning, he sets out the ingredients for my matcha in the specific order I need them: the whisk and bowl, powder and vanilla syrup.
Whenever nerves are getting the better of me, I graze the charm he brought me for Christmas. Every night when I take the bracelet off, I stare at the charm like it is the most precious thing in the world. The first time I looked at the charm, I knew it was from him.
I smile, noting the people in the room. Lakewood has brought me something Nevada could never: a family.
Everyone from the hockey team is here, talking about our success with Austin, a member of the Lakewood Devils, which is the football team. I met him last year at a football game, and it’s safe to say he is obsessed with Athena. I have no clue what went on there, but Austin has stars in his eyes whenever they linger on Athena.
The same goes for my best friend. Jaz and Theo are perfect for each other. The thought of finding unconditional love like theirs is a delusion I entertain from time to time.
Every touch between Jayden and I has my heart praying he might be the key to mending my scars. But after everything I’ve been through, all I want to do is run and hide. It sounds terrible, and deep down, I know Jayden doesn’t deserve that. A lump grows in my throat as I wipe my palms against my blue-wash jeans.
Everyone finds a seat, whether it’s at the dining table or on the couch. Unfortunately, Theo and Jaz’s house isn’t made for large gatherings, so we had to make do with what we had.
Jazmine clears her throat, drawing everyone’s attention. “I’d like to make a toast,” she begins. “Thank you, everyone, for coming to celebrate with Jayden and I. Twenty-one years with abuilt-in best friend, and I wouldn’t want it to be anyone else.” Jaz smiles while looking down at Jayden.
For the first time tonight, Jayden’s lips curve into a smile brighter than the stars. I stare longer than necessary, inhaling sharply when our gazes collide as if we were both seeking the other.
Recently, searching the room for Jayden is second nature. I tell myself I don’t want him to be looking at me, yet that would be another lie.
My chest tightens, breathing becomes more difficult as the seconds pass. I intertwine my fingers, trying to stop the shaking. I keep my eyes on my lap as I slide my chair out from the table.
I look around the room, and everyone is laughing and having the best time. I don’t want to ruin it. I slip from the room without notice, the fresh air hitting my skin causes goosebumps to crawl up my arms, and my cheeks to flush.
Everything crowding my mind collides together, fear strangling my neck as words from the past flash in my brain.
All I can hear is Kyle’s voice. He drowns out every positive comment I’ve heard from Jayden over the past few months.
“You’re too loud, Willow.”
“You won’t get anywhere playing hockey,”
“I’m sure you have fucked everyone on the team.”
“Be quiet. No one cares about your opinion.”
A sob rips from my throat, hot tears dripping down my cheeks. To others they might be just words, but to me, the were paper cuts. One after the other, unravelling every strand of confidence I had. I pretend I'm fine in front of everyone because who I am to them is a confident and wild woman.
But for the past two years, I lost that person. She was suffocated, day by fucking day and I didn't realise until it was too late. I cup my face, trying to muffle the sound or make it stop. It doesn’t work.
