Page 70 of Afterglow
My limbs shake as my eyes continue to search the crowd. Finally, I found her. Jazmine is sitting three rows behind my father with my jersey on. Usually, I’d feel immense satisfaction and want nothing more than her to wear onlymy name and number.
Yet, at this moment, I feel like I’m drowning in the ocean with no shore in sight. My vision blurs as I flick between my dad and Jazmine. The last woman I cared about that wore my jersey was my mum.
Everything is too much. The noise, the people and the memories. Fuck. The panic creeps into my head, my chest. Breathing is close to impossible as I try to suck in massive gulps of air.
Austin appears behind me, taping me on the back. “You good, Theo?”
My throat is dry and hoarse as I reply, “Yeah, I’ve got it under control.”
He looks as if he doesn’t believe me. And if I’m being honest, I don’t believe myself either.
Chapter 32
Jazmine Allen
The lights in the stadium flick on and screams come from all corners.
The noise somehow increases when the players run onto the field. Athena and I clap as we spy our boyfriends. A smile falls over my face without even trying. If you had told me two years ago, I would be wearing Theodore Knight’s football jersey and be cheering him on as his girlfriend, I would have told you to fuck off.
Now, this is the only thing I wantto do.
“What’s going on with Theo?” Athena whispers, interrupting my thoughts.
My eyes shoot to the edge of the football field. Theo is loitering on the sidelines with shaky hands and pale skin. Even from the lower stands, his blue eyes don't shine bright like the stars in the night sky.
Fuck.
“I don’t know,"
It's a lie, I can recognise the signs of a panic attack. Anxious thoughts run rampant in my mind as well as tugging the ball of nerves in my stomach.
Theodore Knight is broken.
He might hide it well from others, but you can never hide it from another broken soul.
I’ve struggled with mental health since I was thirteen years old and I’m studying psychology, so I know all the signs. Healing is hard. I’mstilltrying to figure it out, but my heart aches to see him like this.
We’ve only been dating for a month, but I know deep in my bones, something is wrong. The final games of the football season are on the horizon, which could be the reason. But I feel like I’m missing something.
Since I first met Theo, I always noticed a change in his behaviour during spring. Although at the moment I was caring only for myself, when he snapped at me during the start of our freshman year, I saw a different side of him.
It wasn't until the past week that I have truly seen the shift in Theo's behaviour. Instead of pushing his anger onto everyone else, Theo is keeping it locked inside,preventing anyone to see the scars in his mind. It’s as if he has shut down.
The last game of the regular season is tonight. I don’t know a lot about football but I remember Athena explaining something to do with ladder positions and having a home game for the finals. Honestly, it went straight over my head.
Austin and Theo take their places on the field but I don't miss the dejected and fearful look Theo gives to the crowd in front of me. I search the people, trying to find a reason for my boyfriend's hurt.
Eventually, my gaze settles on a man sitting behind the barrier but close to the coaches. His dirty blonde hair reminds me of Theo, except the older man has a slight bald patch at the back of his head.
Then, it clicks.
That’s his dad.
I remember from my quick google search about Theodore that his father played in the NFL and is well-known by most players and coaches. Theo still hasn’t told me anything specific about their relationship, but it clearly isn’t your perfect father and son duo.
The whistle blows signalling the beginning of the game. The start is tough, we eventually move up the field towards the end zone. Theo receives the ball from the huddle but misses Austin who was open. An opposition player sprints, tackling Theo and leaving him on the ground.
Fuck. I jump to my feet, trying to see if he is okay. Theo is pulled up by a teammate. He leaves the field, the offence switching with the defence.
