Page 7 of Toxic Salvation
It’s also appropriate because it matches the hollowness in my chest that’s been growing for the past month.
“Did you check on her?” Osip’s voice drops to what he probably thinks is a whisper but might as well be a bullhorn.
My entire body goes rigid. Every muscle locks up like I’ve been hit with a taser.
It’s been thirty-two days since I last saw Vesper. I cut her out of my life ruthlessly, and it’s killing me by inches.
Sleep used to be my escape. The one time my brain would shut the fuck up about her. But two weeks ago, the dreams started.Vivid, torturous things that leave me waking up hard and aching and more miserable than when I went to bed.
Sometimes, I dream about saving her from dangers that don’t exist.
Sometimes, I dream about having her underneath me, crying out my name.
Sometimes, I dream about a future we’ll never have.
All of them end the same way—with me remembering thatIchose to let her go.
“Yeah, she’s…” Pavel’s voice drops even lower, and I can’t make out his words.
The bastard is doing it on purpose. Add it to the list of reasons he deserves a broken nose.
I spin around and the conversation stops abruptly. Pavel suddenly becomes fascinated with his coffee mug while Osip stares out the window like he’s never seen the sky before.
“You dropped Luka off this morning?” I ask, eager to talk about anything that isn’t her.
Pavel’s shoulders tense. “Yeah, but…”
“What?”
“He didn’t want to go. Put up a hell of a fight, actually.”
My hands curl into fists. “He’s been fighting everything lately.”
The sweet, quiet kid who used to spend weekends at science museums has been replaced by a gaunt, fiery stranger I barelyrecognize. Luka argues about bedtime. He refuses to eat. He asks questions I can’t answer and makes demands I won’t meet.
The worst part? I know exactly why he’s acting this way.
“How late were you?” I ask.
Pavel winces. “About an hour.”
“An hour?” I explode. “Pavel, what the fuck?—”
“Hey, I tried!” He throws his hands up defensively. “The kid locked himself in his bathroom and wouldn’t come out. When I finally got him in the car, he spent the entire drive asking when he could see?—”
“Don’t.” I crack my neck from side to side. “Don’t say her name.”
“This is insane, Kovan. It’s been a month. He just wants to?—”
“I don’t give a shit what he wants.” I’m lying through my teeth and we all know it. “He needs to learn that some people leave and they don’t come back. Better he learns it now.”
Pavel drops into the armchair. “You’re killing him.”
“I’mprotectinghim.”
“From what? A woman who loved him?”
He’s right, though, even if I hate him for it. Vesper did love Luka. She loved him enough to fight for him, to comfort him, to promise him things would be okay.
