Page 46 of Toxic Salvation
“Really? Because not too long ago, those were your exact words to me.”
I didn’t mean to say that. I don’t want him to know how deeply those words hurt, how they replay in my head every single day. But pain has a way of escaping when you least expect it.
Kovan’s face changes, some of the hardness bleeding away. “Things are different now.”
“How?” I sound like I’m enraged, and I am, I truly am—but I also can’t stop the flutter of hope building inside me. Maybe he’llfinally tell me what I need to hear. Maybe he’ll admit that losing me was a mistake. Maybe he’ll say he wants me back for me, not just because?—
“You’re carrying my child.”
The hope dies instantly. Of course. It’s always about the baby. Never about me.
“Which proves I’m just the burden you got stuck with,” I say wearily. “If it weren’t for this pregnancy, you and I wouldn’t be here right now. We wouldn’t be anything to each other. Am I right?”
Kovan won’t meet my eyes. He studies the floor tiles like they hold the secrets of the universe. “What you are is exhausted. You need rest, Vesper. If not for yourself, then for the baby.”
I raise a hand to keep him at a distance. “Let me make something crystal clear: Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean you own my body or get to control my choices. You don’t get to dictate my behavior just because you happened to knock me up.”
“I’m not trying to control you.”
“No? Then leave. Because I certainly don’t want you here.”
Kovan passes a hand over his face, like he’s trying to wash away this entire conversation. He walks to the door and pauses with his hand on the handle, backlit by the harsh fluorescent lighting from the hallway.
I want to stop him. I want to ask what brought him here tonight. I want to offer my help with the burdens he’s carrying, even if it’s just listening. I want to tell him we should be facing this together, that this should be the happiest time of our lives instead of this cold war we’re waging.
But we’re past that point. We’re just roommates now. Roommates who happen to be having a baby together, yes, but roommates nonetheless.
The thought that this might be all we ever are creates an ache that has nothing to do with being knocked down by a scared twelve-year-old.
I can’t be my mother. I can’t love a man whose world is built on violence and secrets, no matter how much my heart wants to.
Even if it kills me not to try.
17
KOVAN
“Nico.”
The self-proclaimed Spanish prince occupies a red leather sofa, arms stretched along the back while two women perform for his entertainment. The blonde wears scraps of red fabric masquerading as lingerie. The brunette’s see-through dress reveals every curve beneath pink lace.
Nico has always favored the trashy ones.
“Kovan!” He throws his arms wide. “My brother!”
Everything about Nico Perez screams “underworld sleaze.” His Gucci shirt plunges to his abs, gold chains spelling out his initials draped across his chest. Diamond earrings catch the overhead lights as he leaps up and pulls me into a bear hug I barely return.
He pounds my back several times before releasing me. “Come! Join the party.” He gestures toward his companions. “This is…Mierda,what were your names again?”
“I’m Rogue,” the blonde fills in. She tosses her feathered hair over her shoulder. “Want a lap dance, sugar? First one’s on the house for a man like you.”
“No,” I say flatly. “I want you to leave.”
She thinks I’m playing hard to get. I’m not. She’s objectively stunning, and yet she does absolutely fucking nothing for me. “You sure?” she purrs, pressing closer to display her assets. “I’ve got skills that would make your head spin.”
Nico scowls. “You never offered me freebies.” He smacks her ass, grinning. “You heard the man—get lost before I put you over my knee.”
Both women giggle as they exit his commandeered VIP room.
