Page 4 of Toxic Salvation
“Meaning?”
“Meaning I fell in love with him,” I confess. “God, it sounds so stupid when I say it out loud. But I did. I fell hard, and I thought… I thought what we had was real.”
Waylen’s head tilts to the side. “V…”
“Please.” I hold up a hand. “Don’t give me the ‘there are other fish in the sea’ speech. I know you think he’s an arrogant asshole, and you’re probably right. But that doesn’t change how I felt about him. How I still feel about him.”
“He hurt you.”
“Heruinedme,” I correct. “Yeah. But that’s not even the worst part.”
“What’s the worst part?”
I close my eyes, gathering what’s left of my courage. When I open them again, Waylen is watching me with an intensity that makes my skin prickle.
“I’m pregnant.”
It takes a long time for my brother to even react. When he finally does, he goes completely still, his face cycling through confusion, shock, horror.
“You’re…” He swallows hard. “You’re pregnant?”
“Three months.” My hand moves instinctively to my stomach, which is only just now starting to curve beneath my oversized sweater. “And before you ask—yes, I’m keeping it.”
For a long moment, neither of us speaks. I can hear the distant sounds of hospital life beyond the stairwell door—voices, footsteps, the beeping of machines. Normal sounds from a normal world that feels impossibly far away.
“Holy shit,” Waylen breathes finally.
“Pretty much.”
“Does he know?”
“No,” I say hurriedly. “And he’s not going to. Ever.”
“Vesper—”
“I’m serious, Waylen. Kovan made it very clear that I was disposable. A convenient arrangement that he was done with. Why would I subject my child to that kind of rejection?”
“Because it’s his child, too.”
“Is it, though? A father is someone who loves you unconditionally. Someone who shows up when you need them. Someone who fights for you.” Tears start to spring up, so I turn to hide my face. “Kovan walked away the second things got complicated. That doesn’t sound like father material to me.”
Waylen shoves both hands through his hair, making it stick up at odd angles. “This is huge, V. You can’t just make this decision on your own.”
“I’m not making it on my own. I’m telling you.”
“That’s not what I mean and you know it.”
I do know it. But the thought of facing Kovan again, of seeing that cold indifference in his eyes when I tell him about the baby… I’m not strong enough for that. Not yet.
Maybe not ever.
“I need to sit down.” I sink onto one of the concrete steps, suddenly dizzy. “This conversation is not going the way I planned.”
Waylen sits beside me, close enough that our shoulders touch. “What did you think was going to happen?”
“I don’t know. I thought maybe you’d be happy? Excited about being an uncle?”
“I am.” His voice is gentler now. “But I’m also terrified. Vesper, you can barely keep a houseplant alive. How are you going to raise a baby?”
