Page 33 of Toxic Salvation
“How about we do something fun today?” Kovan suggests, smoothing Luka’s hair back from his forehead. “Whatever you want.”
Luka brightens up slightly. “Can Vesper come?”
Kovan’s gaze meets mine briefly before he looks away. “If she wants to.”
The careful neutrality in his tone tells me everything I need to know. He’s tolerating my presence for Luka’s sake, nothing more.
“I can’t today,” I say, rising from the sofa. “I need to visit my mom. But you two should go have fun. I’ll catch up with you later.”
“Can’t you see her tomorrow?” Luka’s face falls.
“I’m afraid not, sweetheart. She’s really sick, and I need to talk to her doctors today.”
“Sick how?” Luka asks quietly.
“She has cancer.”
His face falls. “That’s really bad, isn’t it?”
“It’s serious,” I admit, fighting to keep my tone steady. “But she has excellent doctors and a good treatment plan.”
“You’re a doctor, though!” Luka’s faith in me is absolute and heartbreaking. “You can save her.”
I force a smile. “I’m certainly going to try.”
“You can do it! You’re the best doctor ever.”
The unwavering confidence in his statement nearly undoes me. I feel my composure starting to crack. Kovan must notice, because he stands and gently steers Luka toward the door.
“Go grab your backpack and put on your comfortable shoes. We’ll head out in a few minutes.”
Luka gives me one more fierce hug before bounding upstairs. The moment he’s gone, the tears I’ve been holding back spill over.
“Dammit,” I mutter, wiping at my cheeks.
Kovan hands me a tissue from the box on his desk. “You okay?”
“Oh, y’know, just the cruel irony of it all.” I blow my nose and try to compose myself. “I’m a doctor, and I can never seem to save the people who matter most. That’s all.”
“You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.”
“I keep thinking about my father,” I admit in a whisper. “I think he was punishing himself. That’s why he refused the transplant. He felt guilty about all those organs he helped steal.”
Kovan doesn’t respond immediately. “It’s possible,” he says finally.
“There’s no other explanation. I begged him to fight. I cried, I screamed, I told him I’d never forgive him if he gave up.” The memory surfaces with painful clarity. “He said there were people who deserved a liver more than he did. That he didn’t want to take any more than he already had.”
“Sounds like a man carrying a heavy burden.”
“At least that’s something, right?” My laugh comes out hollow. “If he felt guilty, he couldn’t have been completely evil.”
Kovan reaches toward me instinctively, then catches himself and lets his hand drop. “Vesper?—”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be dumping this on you. It’s just that I thought I knew him. Everything I believed about my father turns out to be a lie.”
“It’s okay to be angry with him. God knows I’m angry with mine. He’s the one who started the organ trafficking operation in the first place.”
“How do you live with it?”
