Page 18 of Toxic Salvation
His shoulders lift in a small shrug. “I was mad at Uncle Kovan. I wanted to go with you.”
I reach for his hand, threading our fingers together. “Seems like you’re mad at everyone these days.”
He goes rigid beside me, trying to pull away, but I hold on. After a moment, the fight goes out of him and he relaxes back into the carpet.
“I don’t know what happens to me,” he admits. “I just hate how everything is now. And that makes me want to hurt people.”
“Is that why you’ve been picking fights at school?”
“I figured if I got in enough trouble, Uncle Kovan would eventually miss a call and they’d have to contact you.” He turns his head to meet my eyes. “Pretty smart, right?”
My chest hurts. This kid is nine years old and he’s already learned how to manipulate the system to get what he needs. “You’re brilliant, Luka. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. But you’re also way too smart to be throwing punches at school.”
“I don’t mean to startrealfights,” he protests. “It just happens. Someone says something stupid and I get so angry I can’t think straight.”
“I know.” I push up onto my elbow so I can see his face properly. “And I get it. Sometimes, the world feels out of control and thatmakes us act out. It’s normal. But it’s also making things worse for you.”
He’s quiet for a long moment, staring up at the artificial constellations. “I don’t understand why he broke up with you.”
I hesitate. It would be so easy to trash Kovan right now. I could tell Luka exactly what kind of coward his uncle really is. Explain that some people run the moment things get real.
But I’m better than that. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.
“Some things don’t make sense until a long time afterward.” I bend down and press a kiss to his forehead. “Come on. Time for bed.”
Getting Luka settled takes longer than usual. He keeps finding reasons to delay—he needs water, then he can’t find his favorite stuffed animal, then he remembers a question about his homework. I know what he’s really doing. He’s trying to make this moment last as long as possible, terrified that once I leave his room, I’ll disappear again.
Finally, he’s tucked under his covers, dark hair spread across his pillow. I’m adjusting his blankets—when something strange happens. A fantasy image appears.
For just a moment, it’s not Luka lying there. It’s another boy. Smaller, with sandy blond hair and deep green eyes that look at me with complete trust. He reaches up with chubby fingers, trying to touch my face, and I stoop down to kiss his forehead, and he looks up at me and his lips start to pucker up like he’s going to sayMama,and I say back?—
“You look worried.”
I blink hard, and Luka is there again, watching me with concern creasing his young features.
“I’m fine,” I lie, pulse thundering in my temples. “Just thinking.”
“About what?”
“About how much I’ve missed you.”
He studies my face for a long moment. “I don’t want you to go away again, Vesper.”
I shouldn’t make promises I can’t keep. I shouldn’t give this kid false hope when his uncle made it clear where I stand in their lives.
But when I look at Luka’s face—at the fear there, the desperate need—the words he needs slip out anyway.
“I’ll try my very best not to.”
“He’s asleep.”
Osip and Pavel are in the living room when I come downstairs, cigars balanced between their fingers. They stub them out the moment they see me and jump to their feet with the guilty expressions of men caught doing something they shouldn’t.
“Don’t break up the party on my account,” I say sarcastically, heading for the front door. “I was just leaving.”
They exchange a look and file out of the room without argument.
Which leaves me alone with Kovan.
