Page 78 of All That Glitters
I settled more comfortably on the floor, kneeling between his thighs. “You’re going to have to drag me by the hair and throw me out if you want me to leave.”
“Don’t tempt me.”
“I fucking dare you.”
He was hard. And stubborn, but behind the cotton pants he wore was the growing length of his cock. The fight we were having, the argument turned him on. I could handle that, too.
“I won’t ask you again.”
“You’ve tried to get rid of me twice and both times the answer is no. You wanted my help. I’m here. Let me help you, Ashton.”
“It was a mistake. I’m not ready.”
“You’re not ever going to be ready. You’re going to have to try and fail and try again, but you’re never going to be ready to do it.”
“I don’t care.”
“Bullshit. You do care.”
“I… I can’t.” His voice and my heart cracked at the same time. “I can’t do it.”
“Ashton, if —”
“Listen to me, Helen. I. Can’t. Do. It.”
“I don’t believe you.” He sank deeper into the chair, almost like he was hoping it would swallow him and make him disappear. I didn’t have any experience in this area and I wasn’t qualified to help him the way he needed. He probably needed a driver coach, and to go back to therapy, but since he wouldn’t get professional help, he was stuck with me. “You’re the strongest person I know and I’ve never known anyone with the drive and determination that you have.”
“Hale…”
“Okay, sure. Hale. Brax, too. You were always competitive, always pushing each other to do better, to win. I know you’re hurting and I know you’re scared. I know you’re angry, but the only way to get back to it is to not give up.”
“The way you did.”
That stung and for a moment I was caught off guard. It was the third time Ashton had brought up the fact that I no longer raced. “Stop changing the subject.”
“How is it a different subject?”
“Because we’re not talking about me.”
“Because Hale got the chance you didn’t.”
“We’ve been over this, Ashton. The wreck was not the same. The consequences of Hale getting the ride over me weren’t as devastating as the consequences of the wreck.”
“Not as violent, but just as devastating. Imagine the career you could’ve had. The one you can still have.”
His anger changed right before my eyes. He changed. There was a different type of intensity that lit his eyes and he sat up straight, determination in the set of his mouth. What the hell was he up to?
“Ashton… Drop it.”
“Or what? What will you do, Helen? Will you get up and leave?”
Is that what he was about with all this? Was he trying to find the right button to push so that I’d leave him to his misery? “You know me better than that.”
“And you think you know me.”
“I —”
“We talk about me being afraid, about my anxiety and nerves, and they’re as real as breathing, but what about yours? There are women making names for themselves in all levels of motorsports. They’re all over the shops, in all the engine rooms, on pit road, owning race teams, racing all female teams. Why aren’t you part of it?”
