Page 109 of The Close-Up
“Wow. I...” My head spins as I search for the right words. There’s so much I didn’t know about my parents’ marriage. “I don’t know what to say. I guess I’m in shock.”
A sad chuckle echoes on her end of the line. “I think that’s why I didn’t want to tell you. You’ve always looked up to our relationship. It’s the most special feeling in the world, when your kids truly admire you.”
“I still admire you, Mom. I admire the heck out of you and Dad for getting through that and having the marriage you have today. You’re so loving and affectionate and kind to each other.”
When she sighs this time, it sounds lighter. “You know, all the counseling and therapy we did over the years, it’s why we’re still together. And I’m sorry I never told you about it. I just didn’t want you kids worrying about our struggles. I wanted you to always see us as stable figures in your life. I guess that backfired a little.”
“I get it. I wonder if Auntie Gigi and Uncle Reuben tried counseling before they split.”
It’s a few seconds before I realize what I’ve said.
“Crap,” I mutter.
“It’s okay,anak. I know already.”
“She told you?”
“Not yet. But it was easy enough to figure out what happened. She showed up without her husband, who she’s been attached at the hip to for almost forty years. And every time I ask about him, she changes the subject. I knew trouble was brewing.”
“Oh.”
I explain that I accidentally overheard auntie talking about her divorce and she asked me not to tell anyone. Mom promises she won’t.
“I hope you give things with Simon a chance,” she says after a moment. “It won’t be perfect, but you shouldn’t be concerned with perfection. You should strive to be with someone who you care about, who you love, and who you want to face the tough times with. Someone worth fighting for—and fighting with.”
I blink and a tear falls. I’ve never met anyone who I even cared to fight for—until Simon...and I threw it away because I doubted myself and I conditioned myself to be cynical.
“You should tell Simon you love him,” she finally says.
“Mom, I’m still not sure—”
“Is there anyone that compares to him?” she asks, cutting me off. “Is there another person on this planet who you’d rather spend a day with?”
I don’t even have to think. “No. I only want him.”
“Does his well-being and happiness mean anything to you?”
“Yes. More than my own.” I’m shocked at how quickly I answer her. But it’s the truth.
“Then I think you love him,anak.”
“I... I think I do love him.” It feels so weird to say it out loud. But also so incredible.
“I just... I’m not sure if he loves me.”
“Oh, he does,” she says. “I saw the way he looked at you. No man looks at a woman like that unless he’s in love with her.”
My heart races at how even though she only saw us together once, she could tell. And then it sinks at just how oblivious I was to my own feelings for so long.
“Tell him,anak.”
I sniffle. “Okay. I will.”
We hang up. I contemplate running back over to Simon’s place, but I check the time. He’s leaving the city early this morning to spend the day with his mom and grandma. Holding my breath, I dial him. My chest tightens with each ring. I get his voicemail. And it’s full.
I let out a groan. You’ve got to be kidding me. But then I remember that text messages exist. I pull up our thread of messages on my phone and type out four simple words:
I love you, Simon.
