Page 104 of The Close-Up
I claw at his hair, kissing him until we’re both gasping. “Same. Same, same, same.”
We fall onto the bed and just like every other time, he coaxes me to lie back, puts his face between my legs, and kisses me until I’m a shouting, shuddering mass.
Legs twitching, I watch through blurry vision as he wipes his mouth with the back of his wrist, then climbs up to me. But I press my hand on his chest, holding him there. He starts to ask what I’m doing, but when I push him onto his back and get between his legs, he loses all his words. They’re not needed right now. All he needs as I take him into my mouth are gasps and grunts. He’s a mess of caveman noises until he pulls me by the shoulders up to his face.
Our kisses are so sloppy by now. We’re biting and teasing and grabbing and moaning. He slides on a condom, and I hold his gaze as I lower myself onto him. Even as he stretches me out, I don’t blink. I keep looking at him as I ride him slow and deep, until the pleasure and pressure becomes too much and I can’t take it one second more. I circle my clit with my hand, my head falling back as I moan. He guides me, thrusting, with his powerful hands digging into my hips.
It doesn’t take long for me to fall apart. And when I do, he’s not far behind. I collapse on his chest and for a few minutes we just lie there, our skin slick with sweat and our hearts thudding out of our chests. He rolls me over to the side and steps away, but soon he’s back and pulls me against his chest. I close my eyes, aching to sleep. Every muscle in my body is loose and relaxed and not just because of the two incredible orgasms Simon gave me. Everything about this moment and this place feels like home.
Once again my eyes are burning and I have to press them shut to keep the tears from escaping.
“Please don’t go,” he whispers as he tucks his chin above my head.
“I won’t.”
I keep my promise and fall asleep in Simon’s arms.
When I wake, it’s pitch-black out. The only way I’m able to see a thing is from the glow of the streetlights as they stream in through the cracks in the blinds.
As Simon snores in bed, I slowly, quietly creep out of bed and use the bathroom. When I come back out, I stand at the foot of the bed and gaze at him. That messy mop of light brown hair, the way his broad chest heaves with each breath, the way he always rests his arm over his face when he’s in the deepest part of sleep.
I could crawl back in right now and he’d cuddle me back into his chest. It would be so perfect.
My arms and legs twitch at the thought, aching to snuggle with him. I almost do it.
But it won’t always be perfect. Something will give. All that excitement and attraction we feel for each other right now will eventually give way to hurt feelings and disaster. Something will go wrong between us. It always does.
Best to end it now.
I turn around and pick my clothes up off the floor. Then I get dressed, grab my things, and quietly leave.
Chapter Twenty-One
I stretch out on the couch in Harper’s living room and blink at the ceiling. No more tears are allowed for the rest of the day. I was calm as I made my way back to Harper’s place, but the moment I shut the door behind me, I broke. Ugly sobs overtook me. I had to cover my mouth, they were so loud and I didn’t want to wake Harper, who’s sleeping in her bedroom. So I sunk to the floor, head in my hands, my shoulders shuddering as I cried quietly.
I still managed to text Simon though, so he wouldn’t worry when he woke up and saw me gone.
Me: I can’t do this. I’m so sorry.
He read the message minutes after I sent it, but there was no response. And I don’t expect one. I left like such a coward—in the exact way he told me hurts him the most.
Four hours after I left his apartment in the wee hours of the morning, Simon and I are done. Even though I know it’s what’s best, it still shatters me to think about it. I blink furiously at the ceiling, ordering my tear ducts to stop overflowing. Yes, my time with Simon was amazing—hewas amazing. He was the best man I’ve ever been with.
The longer I think about him, the more I miss him. The more I want to swing the front door wide open and run back to him.
As much as I adore Simon, it would have ended eventually. Best that I left now instead of putting off the inevitable. My head spins as I think about what it will be like to see him when we film Cole and Tamara’s vow renewal forSimply Simonand how the hell I’m going to navigate that. I’m sure he despises me and never wants to see me again, but I’ve got a job to finish...
Harper’s bedroom door creaks open, and I look up from the couch. She’s rubbing her eyes as she yawns, then stops dead in her tracks when she sees me.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
I sniffle, hoping my face doesn’t look too puffy. “I, uh, decided to stay here today.”
“Okay...” She frowns, opens her mouth like she’s going to ask me something, then clamps it shut and darts to the bathroom. After a minute I hear the toilet flush and the faucet run. Then she’s back out, and she walks over to the couch and perches on the arm, facing me.
“Shouldn’t you be at Simon’s? You’ve been there almost every night this past month.”
I shake my head, annoyed at how hard my lip is wobbling.
