Page 115 of The Close-Up
Laughter and applause follow.
Cole turns to Tamara. “Thank you, Tamara, for these first fifteen years. And here’s to many more decades together.”
There’s a collective “aww” sound from the guests as they kiss.
“And now,” Cole continues. “I think it would be great if the man I owe everything to could say a few words to help inspire and encourage everyone here.”
Simon starts to shake his head no, but the crowd cheers him on. People chant “speech!” until he gives in. Cole hands him the microphone and pats him on the back before standing off to the side, leaving Simon front and center.
He clears his throat, briefly glancing at the ground before focusing back on the crowd.
“Well, don’t expect this to be anything good. That’s what you get for goading a guy into giving a last-minute speech with no preparation.”
Everyone laughs. Simon gazes across the audience and catches eyes with me.
“But I’ve always wanted to do this, make a big, impromptu speech. So here goes nothing.”
I hold my breath, realizing he’s referencing his fuck-it list.
He pivots to Cole and Tamara. “First, let me just say congratulations to you both. That was such a beautiful ceremony. You made me tear up, well done.”
Tamara holds Cole’s hand in both of hers while their kids smile on at a nearby table.
“As far as advice goes, that’s a bit tough. This is pretty last-minute.” He rubs the back of his neck before running a hand through his hair.
As he looks up at the crowd, he locks eyes with me once again. My mouth goes dry as he holds my gaze in those silent seconds, where everyone waits for his next words. And then something in his stare changes, almost like looking at me has set off something in his brain.
“Actually, I can say this.” He turns to address Cole and Tamara. “Cole, you said in your vows that you always knew Tamara was the one for you because you could do the most boring things with her and you’d still prefer that over anything else in the world. Because simply being with her is what makes you the happiest.”
Simon pauses as Tamara and Cole embrace once more.
“And that’s the advice I’ll give to you all today. If there’s someone in your life who makes you happier than anyone else when they do the simplest, silliest things with you, that’s the person you should be with.” He swallows. “Life is short. Too short to be wasting your time with people who don’t drive you wild in the best way. That person who makes your stomach flip when you get a text from them? That person whose voice sends heat all over your body? That person whose terrible cooking you’d rather eat over your favorite takeout just because they made it for you? They’re the one.”
A few soft chuckles and “awws” follow. He pauses to take a breath and looks at me again. I pull my lips into my mouth, my heart in my throat.
“That person who could vomit on your shoes, and you’d still rather see them over any other human being on the planet. That person who you’d happily argue and make up with over and over again. Because everything and everyone else pales in comparison. You’rethatin love with them. You date other people, but all you think about is them. You’d run to the bakery at the crack of dawn because egg tarts are their favorite snack. You’d spend your Saturday night on the couch wearing a sheet mask on your face and drinking prosecco even though you’re a Scotch drinker who never washes his face.”
Another wave of soft laughter follows. But I can’t make a sound. I’m too stunned.
“Because being with them makes you the happiest. You could be offered anything else in the world, and you can look that person in the eye and say, ‘It’s got nothing on you.’ And mean it.”
With those words, my heart ceases beating. I’m that person for Simon; he’s that person for me. And he’s in love with me. Just like I’m head over heels in love with him.
“If there’s someone in your life who makes you feel that way, do yourself a favor. As soon as you can, tell them exactly how you feel about them. Even if you find out they don’t feel the same way, yeah, it’ll hurt, but at least you’ll never wonder what if. And for those of you who do this and end up with that special person, congratulations. You’re in for one hell of a happy life.”
The entire crowd applauds and cheers. Half of the people raise their glasses to toast Simon’s words.
But me? I don’t have time for cheering or toasting. I’m running straight up to Simon. I grab his hand and pull him with me to the back corner.
“Hey,” he says. “I hope I didn’t—”
“Just, shush,” I say, breathless. “Everything you said, that’s exactly how I feel about you. I just...so many of my relationships before you were a disaster. And I thought it was because of me. I thought I was doing something wrong. But I wasn’t. For the longest time I was with the wrong guys and everything was a train wreck, but then I met you and everything was different. Everything was fun and sexy and blissful and felt right and I... I just thought it was too good to be true. But that’s bullshit. That’s such self-sabotaging bullshit. I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I want to find out. I want to fight for us. I want to be with you and I just...”
I’m panting at my frenzied pace of speaking. I realize I haven’t said the most important thing of all, the one thing that matters more than anything—the one thing I’ve been dying to say to him.
“I love you, Simon. I’m the happiest when I’m with you...and I hope... I hope...” My throat squeezes as I struggle to keep from crying. “I hope you can forgive me for walking out on you the other morning. I’m so, so sorry I did that. That was horrible and if I could take it back, I would. I hope you can forgive me for ever doubting us and our feelings. And I hope that I’m not too late in saying all this to you.”
I know I’ve already said this to him, but I need him to know just how much I regret messing up.
