Page 140 of Wild Side
“You know what I’ve learned through this all, sissy?”
She doesn’t respond, because why the hell would she?
“Life is all just shades of gray. People are shades of gray. You. Me. Rhys. Mom and Dad. No one is perfect. I think Milo might be pure light. For now, anyway. But I’m sure he’ll disappoint me one day.” I snort. “After all, he’s related to us. And god knows you and I aren’t perfect. But you know what? That’s okay. That’s just… being human. I don’t think I’ve ever known someone more unapologeticallyhumanthan you. You did some bad shit, but you did some really incredible shit too. You left me…”
I turn and lift the brass container, watching the sun spark off the metallic finish. “But look what you left me with.” Milo is mauling Rhys. Now that he’s more aware of what Rhys does for work, he likes to try his hand at wrestling with him when he’s home. There’s zero polish to his attacks, but joy lines his every movement. “Look at them.” My voice cracks. “I wish you could see them. And maybe you can. I hope you can. I know that for all our complicated feelings about each other… I know seeing this would have made you happy. I only ever wanted you to be happy.”
I swipe a tear off my cheek. The ache of missing my sister is no less sharp, but now I can cry happy tears over her rather than just sad ones.
“I don’t think you’d be pleased about sitting on my shelf in a jar. It just doesn’t feel very… you. I think here—on the wild side of the mountain—might be where you belong.”
I twist the lid, swallowing as it loosens. I reach in, feeling the fine ash slip through my fingers. And I smile as I watch my sister’s ashes dance across the wind.
When I inhale, it feels like my lungs are filling with more air than I’ve breathed in years. It feels like here, Erika can be safe and free and with us all at once. I do it alone, because it feels like I need to. And when the urn is empty, all I want are my boys.
When I look down toward them, Rhys is already watching me. Because of course he is. His eyes are always on me. He’s always supporting me—quietly, gently. In that way of his that feels like a warm blanket wrapped around me on a cold day.
When I hit him with a watery smile, his head tilts. I can see the question in his eyes. He knows I needed that moment with my sister. I needed that closure. I didn’t need an audience, but he still managed to be here for me. Like he always is.
But now I want them both closer. I want to hold them. I want to be all together. And like they justknow, both of them walk up the hill toward me. Hand in hand.
“I wanna pick out shapes in the clouds,” Milo declares with pink cheeks and a wide smile.
All I can do is nod and stare back at him, marveling over how much I love him. I think I’d do absolutely anything for this little boy.
Rhys must see the emotion on my face, because he ushers Milo to one side of me before he takes a position on the other. My boys flank me and we watch the sky together, picking out shapes until we all fall into a companionable silence. Their warmth heats me to my marrow. Nothing has ever felt more perfect. I let my eyes flutter shut to soak up the moment, only made sweeter by Milo’s soft voice cutting through the hush of the mountain.
“That one kind of looks like fingers. Hooked together.”
I smile and turn to my side, drawing Milo into me. Slotting him right against my front. He smells a little bit like Erika and feels a lot like home. As does the man who presses closer behind me. Spooning me just like I’m spooning Milo.
When he wraps his arm over us, his pinky links with mine.
And we drift off like that, under a bluebird sky with big puffy clouds floating above us.
Together.
RHYS
EPILOGUE
FOUR YEARS LATER…
The ropes slap against my back as I go flying straight at Will, sending him down hard with an outstretched arm. He flies backward in a perfect arc before rolling over on his side, gripping his lower back dramatically.
I try not to smile, but this is my last match. And I’m having a hell of a time.
The crowd has fallen into their usualThis is awesomechant that almost always gets pulled out when Wild Side and Million Dollar Bill wrestle. After years of practice, it feels like the two of us could do this with our eyes closed. I refused to have it against anyone other than Will. It’s taken him a long time to come back from my accident. But he’s been one of my longest-standing friends, and he’s a wrestler I respect immensely.
There’s no other way I’d rather go out.
Turning away, I place a foot on the rope and look into the crowd, soaking up the view of green merchandise as far as the eye can see.
It’s been four years since I thought I might never get to stand in the ring and look out over this view again. And now I’m back at Pure Pandemonium for one last match.
It’s the last time I’ll look out over a sea of people this way. The last time I’ll climb the ropes and hear people chanting my name.
And oddly, I’m not sad about it at all. I’m ready.
