Page 96 of Wild Eyes
And I’ve never been jealous of my peers in my career. I love seeing other women top the charts or go home with awards.
So it’s fucking bizarre that West is not my boyfriend and yet I feel sick about another woman “winning”him.
My chest feels tight and temper flashes as my teeth grind. My emotions are out of control. If my parents saw me right now, they’d tell me to pull it together. To stay in character.
They’ve always wanted me to fake it until I made it.
But for the first time in my life, I’ve let go of worrying about how my feelings make me appear to other people. For the first time in my life, I feel childish and irrational and…like I have something to say.
So I sit down on a log, and I write.
An impressed whistle draws my head up as I walk down the stairs in West’s house.
“Hell. Yes. Girl.” Rosie looks me up and down from the entryway with approval. “That dress was made for you.”
I blink. “It actually was,” I blurt out honestly.
Rosie laughs as she takes in the dress. It’s one of my favorites. The white fabric has a dense print of tiny, repeating oranges, a small stem leading to a pop of green where the leaf fans out. Straps tie at the crest of each shoulder, and I’ve pairedit with a simple pair of white sneakers and my new favorite red lipstick. Because it’s so ‘in’ this season and all.
“Of course it was. Where’s West?” Rosie snags a banana from the fruit bowl and peels it, hip propped against the counter. She’s wearing a flowy pink romper with a pair of strappy, nude wedge sandals for our dreaded trip to the fair.
“Took the kids to soccer.”
“Oh, right, back to Mia this week. Is he heading straight to the fundraiser after?”
I swallow and glance away. I’ve been avoiding West for the past day, afraid of saying something unhinged. Like demanding he not take part in some stupid archaic man auction. I could donate and spare him the embarrassment.
But I didn’t tell him that. He’s a grown-ass man. Besides, I have no claim on him. I’ve only known him a short time, and I don’t want to be a stage-ten clinger.
And the truth is, the entire process of bidding on a person—well-meaning as it might be—is borderline triggering for me. In a world where I feel constantly whittled down to how I look or act being the basis for my value, the entire thing feels wrong.
So I’ve settled on being aloof, and that’s been simple enough because he’s been busy with new horses arriving and others departing. Turns out Ford’s office is a great place to hang out, even though I’m sure Rosie and I chattering away isn’t great for productivity.
“Not sure.”
She eyes me with an air of suspicion. “Is something going on with you two?”
“We’re friends,” I reply, swiping an orange from the same bowl.
“Right, but West doesn’t bring women around his kids—it’s a whole thing with him. And you’re staying here. And Ollie and Emmy have been here all week.”
I shrug, moving toward the door as though I can outrun this conversation. “Yeah, he told me about that rule, but we’re just friends, so it’s different. Plus, I enjoy hanging out with the kids. It’ll be weird next week without them.”
“I heard Ollie talks to you.”
I smile, waving Rosie along and out the door. As I lock up, I think of our daily meetups down by the lake once he’s finished camp for the day. Where he reads and I write. When I get stuck, I hand my scribbler over and he adds a line in without saying a single word to me. “He does. A bit.”
When I turn to her, she’s staring at me rather seriously. “I hope you understand how special that is.”
I nod, matching the tone. She’s in protective-auntie mode right now, and I respect that about her. She’s fierce. I wish I had family members like this who would have gone to bat for me when I was forced to go on stage sick—or tolerate creepy, wandering hands to seal a deal.
My eyes lock with hers. “I promise you, I do.”
“West too.”
My brows jump in surprise. “What?”
“He might seem like a big, dumb, happy-go-lucky kind of guy, but it’s all an act. He’s cautious, short on trust, and a hell of a lot more sensitive than he seems. Please don’t hurt him if you can help it.”
