Page 138 of Wild Eyes
I smile, trying not to give away the sinking feeling of dread that has taken over since Skylar saw Ollie yesterday. Something has shifted, and I’m trying not to think too hard about what it might mean. I don’t want to go there. It hurts too much. All I give back is a casual, “Yeah.”
“Good. You deserve that. Give her a hug for me, okay? Once I finish up at the school, I’d be happy to kill whoever did this to her too.”
“Yeah, Mia, you’re gonna have to get in line for that one.”
She laughs as I turn to leave. “Don’t get arrested” is what she jokingly calls back to me. But we both know there’s a little truth in that joke.
There’s a part of me that hopes Ford never finds out who did this because I hate to think what I’d do to them.
Skylar and I spend the night making love. We sleep for a few hours and then one of us will wake the other. Her crawling on top of me. Me disappearing beneath the sheets. There’s asoftness between us. Few words are exchanged. We say enough with every touch.
But not enough, because when I wake up in the morning, she’s sitting on the edge of the bed, fully dressed in acid-wash jeans and a black tube top. Makeup perfectly applied. Hair perfectly straightened.
Alarm bells sound in my head. “What’s wrong?”
Her lips are pressed in a tight line and her eyes have taken on that bland, removed look they constantly sported when she first showed up here.
“I’m going to head back to Los Angeles.”
Adrenaline races through my veins as I get my bearings and push to sitting. “Why?”
“The award show is in a week. I need to get ready.”
“So you’ll be back after?” I can hear the desperation in my voice.I knew this would happen.
“I’m sure I will come back to record with Ford from time to time, but I’ll need to go on tour with this album.”
I’m sure my jaw hangs open. “And you decided to tell me like this? Who decided youneedto go on tour?” God, I hate myself for even asking that. I knew she was here for a short time, and I’m the one who went dreaming of more. I told her I’d never stand between her and her career, and I meant it.
But I still hate it.
“I don’t think there is a good way to tell someone this.” Her voice is perfectly even. Perfectly checked out. “Sometimes things don’t turn out the way we want them to.”
“Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Nah.” I shake a hand at her as I kick my legs out of bed and come to stand. “I have sat by your side and given you space for the past week while you worked through this in the way you wanted to. I haven’t made a single demand of you. But you need to explain this to me in a way that makes sense.”
Her eyes turn pleading now as she stares up at me. “We’re a love song, West. Tragic and true all at once. I thought I could be both versions of myself. Starlet SkylarandRose Hill Skylar. But I’m only going to ruin what you have here. I won’t mean to, but I will. That’s the nature of my beast. Please don’t be another person telling me what to do with my life.”
I blink at her, lost for words. She stands and faces me, her features pained. I’m stunned and not at all shocked. I’ve been able to feel her pulling away all week.
“I love you, West. I love you enough not to ruin what you’ve built here. The looks. The whispers. The paparazzi. Your children being teased. Getting hurt”—she thrusts a hard finger at her chest—“because of me?”
A sad laugh slips from her lips as her head shakes. “I can’t live with that, and you shouldn’t have to settle for it. I know what growing up in the press is like. I know what gets spit out on the other side, and trust me, you don’t want that for your kids.”
“I—”
She holds up a hand to cut me off. “I know what you’re going to say. That I’m worth it. That we’ll make it work. I love your eternal optimism, and I hope I can take some of that with me when I go, but make no mistake, I amgoing. And you might hate me for it right now, but one day you’ll look back and know it was the right call. My life has never really been my own, but yours is.”
I just stare at her, frozen in place, as she continues.
“This place is sacred. Don’t let me sully it. I’ve traveled the entire world and seen nowhere more beautiful. I want it to stay that way. You and Rose Hill, exactly the way I imagine them—fucking perfect.” Her voice cracks on the final whispered words.
I hate what she’s saying. I hate it with every fiber of my being. But that deeply rooted insecurity of mine rears its ugly head and keeps me from begging her to change her mind.
I’m not enough to keep her here, and I need to hold on to a few threads of my dignity if I plan to survive her walking away. So what I say is, “I love you enough to want you to do what’s best for yourself.”
Her nose wiggles, and we can’t hold each other’s gazes. This all feels wrong.
“My car will be here soon.”
