Page 132 of Wild Eyes
Ford shoots her a heartbroken glance before turning to leave, and I immediately pull Skylar into my arms. Her entire body shakes, and no matter how much I stroke her back or tell her it’s going to be okay, her breathing grows more and more frantic.
“I…I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe.” Her feet shift frantically beneath her.
“Sky, you can. I know you can. Sky, baby, I’m gonna need you to take a long, slow breath in.”
Her head rolls against my chest, where she is still hiding behind her hands, and her breathing becomes more panicked.
“Okay. Okay,” I murmur as I lift her into my arms and carry her over to the porch swing. Holding her against me like I would a child, I gently rock us as a knot takes up residence in my stomach. “In for three…” I suck in a breath. “One…two…three…”
She gasps.
“And out for three. One. Two. Three.”
I repeat the steps for I don’t know how long. Eventually, her breathing slows, and even her uncontrollable trembling eases.
I’m not sure how long we sit together. Me holding her while she crumbles. Trying so desperately not to ask her what’s going on. When I peek over my shoulder into the house, both kids have turned to watch us. They look stressed too, and I try to give them a reassuring smile, but it comes out as an anxiety-riddled grimace.
Eventually, Skylar lets out an exhausted sigh. I turn back to her, stroking her hair.
And then she talks.
“Those naked photos I sent to you? They’re all over the internet.”
Her voice breaks on the wordinternet.
And my heart shatters for her in that instant.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
SKYLAR
As much asI want to pull myself together and sit through breakfast with the kids, I can’t. Even though I’m calmer, I still feel like I can’t catch my breath. Every exhale hurts. Every inhale feels too shallow to keep me upright.
I step out of West’s arms and press a hand to his chest, almost pushing him away. “I just wanna sit. I don’t know…by the lake. You go be with your kids.”
West scoffs before tugging my hand off and linking his fingers through mine. “I’m not leaving you,” he grits out before popping his head into the house. “You guys good with cereal? Ollie, can I get you to help your sister? Let’s pivot. I’ll make breakfast for dinner.”
“Yup” and “Okay!” filter back out to us, and their little voices put another sharp dent in my armor. I can’t look at them. West leads me down to the water, and it hits me…
They’re going to find out.
His kids are going to find out. His nice, normal parents. The friends, the acquaintances I’ve made here. They’re going to see the most personal parts of me and there’s not a fucking thing I can do about it.
Shame pelts me from every direction. It’s heavy on my chest, on my shoulders, in my gut. I have no idea how they got out. All I know is that everyone will see them. Everyone will share them. They will never be truly scrubbed from the internet. Photos I took for fun and intended with love have been sullied.
And I feel dirty.
It feels like the safety of the bubble I’ve created here is—poof—gone in an instant. I felt different in Rose Hill, reborn. Like I could be a new version of myself and the world would keep turning.
But this is proof that I can be a new version of myself, but I’ll never really escape the old version. That Skylar, and everything she comes with, will poison the water, no matter how far I swim.
Before I know it, we’re at the log where Ollie and I like to sit together.
Ollie.
“Fuck,” I whisper, feeling my heart crack from corner to corner. A fat tear rolls down my cheek.
How will he see me now? How will he see me five years from now? How will I look him in the eye? And Emmy? What am I supposed to tell her about the world? About fame? About being a woman in this day and age?
