Page 52 of Wild Love
My breathing speeds up as my anxiety rises. Again, I’m forced to think about a split second in time, an unwanted advance that should be easy to get over. But I’m not over it. I hear that sharp intake of breath echo in my ears and am transported to that boardroom all over again.
“You all right?”
I hear the concern in his voice. Usually, I’d want to do everything in my power to avoid this kind of attention. To smooth things over and not be a problem for anyone.
Maybe it’s too quiet, maybe I’m too tired, maybe I trust Ford more than I ever realized and that’s why I’ve never felt the need to be perfect for him.
But I respond with a quiet, “No.”
That one word has him turning to face me. “What’s going on?”
Tears prick at my eyes, spurred by embarrassment. A heat in my chest that feels like it could choke me as it spreads to my throat. “I can’t give you my references. Or at least not what should have been my best ones.”
“Why not?”
His voice is harsh now, yet I know deep down it’s not directed at me.
Has it ever been?
“Because I got fired.” The words spill from my lips, and it’s such a relief to confide in someone instead of walking around with it all bottled up and feeling guilty.
“Why the fuck would they fire you?”
I nibble at my bottom lip and tears gather on my bottom lashes. One blink and they’ll fall. So I don’t look at Ford. I keep my eyes on the water.
“My boss had a bad case of wandering hands, and I told him where he could shove it. I’m not sure of the company’s inner workings beyond that point, but he clearly got to HR before I did. The company decided it was easier to let me go without cause than hear my side.”
He says nothing, but I can feel his gaze on me.
I shrug. “So I can give you their contact information, but I doubt they’ll have many nice things to say about me.”
I blink, and two fat tears lurch over my lashes. I imagine the sound of them in my head.Bloop, bloop.
With a forced smile, I reach up to wipe them away.
Ryan hadn’t known what to say when they fired me. I’d cried, and he’d assured me something better would come along.
Ford doesn’t give me pretty words that do nothing to make it better. Instead, he reaches for me gruffly and tugs me against his chest. One strong arm clamps over my shoulders and the other wraps around the back of my head, like he’s shielding me.
For the second time tonight, I feel his fingers in my hair. And for the second time tonight, I take a deep inhale of his heady, masculine scent.
For the second time tonight, tears fall.
And I don’t stop myself from nuzzling against his chest. His cotton shirt soaks up my tears and I roll the silver chain hanging from his neck between my fingers. I feel the pendant against my cheek.
“I’m a mess. My life is a mess. I got fired. I’ve spent two years of my life with a perfectly decent man, and I don’t know how to tell him I’m not in love with him anymore. I’m living in my brother’s shitty bunkhouse and cooking on a hot plate. I eat chips every day. I’m swimming in a sea of student debt. I feel guilty all the time, for abandoning my life, for running away, forfailing. And I’m so tired, Ford. I’m so fucking tired.”
His stubble prickles at my scalp as he presses a kiss to my hair and nuzzles his cheek on the top of my head. “Just rest for a minute then, Rosie. I got you.”
His words only make me cry harder.
I don’t know how long we stand here while Ford lets me fall apart in his arms. Taking all my anguish so I don’t need to carry it around myself.
His hand never stops stroking my head. Even when my tears run dry.
I feel spent. Dopey. Like I could fall asleep right here.
“Lately, I’ve wondered if I’d have been better off rising above the whole thing,” I say against the safety of his chest. “Ignoring it.”
