Page 70 of Shadow Caster
Tension gripped my shoulders and the familiar flare of anger lit my chest. “I really don’t give a shit what my father thinks.”
He nodded slowly. “I can relate to feeling that way. But age and experience bring wisdom. I learned a long time ago that not caring was the easy choice.” He spoke softly, almost as if he was sharing a secret. “Telling myself I didn’t need his love or his pride made it stop hurting so bad when he dismissed me.”
He was opening up, and suddenly, I was afraid to move or speak in case I shattered the moment. But he’d lapsed into silence, and I needed to speak, to prod him to tell me more.
I studied his profile. “What is it like? Back home for you? What’s it like to be a Hyde?”
For a moment, I thought he wouldn’t answer. That he’d shut down and dismiss me, but then he sat back, relaxing against the bench. One arm out so it draped on the wood behind me.
His gaze misted as if he was casting his mind back through time. “It’s a wonderful honor. You’re made to feel special. Prized. But it’s also terrible because there is no room for failure. Ever. Being a Hyde is a trial that lasts a lifetime, and those that disappoint are cut off.”
I wanted to ask about the scars on his back. I wanted to ask who hurt him, but the words stuck in my throat because in that moment he looked so sad and lost, and the urge to hold him, to wrap my arms around him and cradle him was a burning need radiating from my heart.
He understood me. Really got it, but he was out of my reach.
He turned his head to look at me, his blue-green eyes warm and open. “You may not have belonged at home, but you belong here. You can feel it, can’t you?”
“I didn’t … not until I was marked. But being a shadow cadet feels right. Being here with you feels right.”
I wanted to bite back the words as soon as they spilled from my lips. What was I doing? I might as well throw myself at him. Oh, wait, I’d already done that.
I waited for the shutters to come down. For him to slip into backup mode, but instead, his gaze roved across my face as if mapping every inch.
“I admire you, Indigo.”
“You do?”
His lips tugged in a small smile, and his eyes hardened. “I admire your diligence and hard work. I’m fascinated by your abilities, and I want to know more. I’m honored to train you, but that is all. Do you understand me?”
A pit opened up inside me. A yawning pit of embarrassment and disappointment. He was gently letting down the student who had a crush on him. Me. That would be me. What the fuck had I expected? He was off limits. But over the past few weeks, he’d gotten under my skin and become a confidant. Despite my best intentions, I’d found myself slipping and falling for him, and here he was resetting the boundaries.
I felt sick. All the bravado, all the fight abandoned me, and I was just a woman who was yearning for a guy who was turning her down. Rejection hurt.
I ducked my head. “I understand.”
“Good.” He stood and looked down at me with an unfathomable expression. “Get back to the dorms.”
He strode off, leaving me perched on the bench with an aching heart and ears burning with shame.
* * *
I wasout in the mist during the day.
Again.
Sunlight never got old, even if it was filtering through fog. It kissed my cheeks and warmed my skin, and for the first time in forever, it didn’t weaken my body.
“You’ll get used to it,” Lloyd said.
“I don’t think I ever will.”
“You have the shadow gene. You’ll never be vulnerable during daylight again,” he reminded me.
I could feel the power more acutely now. With my nightblood powers dormant, the shadow gene powers filled my veins with crackling heat. I could run, leap, fight. It was all still there, but it was shadow gene strength, not nightblood. It was strong, almost as if my nightblood power muted the shadow gene power.
Our boots scuffed the dried earth as we made our way back to the barracks in companionable silence. Who would have thought there’d ever have been anything companionable between me and Lloyd?
But Minnie had been right. He wasn’t a total asshole like I’d thought. In fact, he was a pretty good stand-in mentor for Hyde. Sorry.MasterHyde.
