Page 71 of The Surrender
I pull out of his hold with some effort, finding his face. I hate the despondency I see. “What’s wrong?” I ask, holding his cheeks.
“You overwhelm me.”
I want to laugh. Don’t.
“Promise me,” he demands.
My forehead furrows, wondering why this is so important to him, thinking perhaps it’s connected to his parents. “I promise.”
He nods. “Okay,” he breathes. “Okay.”
“Can I ask you something?” I immediately bite down on my lip, wondering if I’m making a monumental mistake.
“I don’t know.” He leans back, his expression questioning. “The look on your face tells me you don’t want to ask, so I’m a bit nervous about what you’re going to say.”
I smile. It’s small and guilty. “I found the antidepressants in your bathroom cupboard.” I blurt it all out quickly and hold my breath, watching with unease as his eyes slowly widen. And darken. They definitely darken.
“Oh.”
“I wasn’t snooping. I was looking for eye drops because it was the morning after the night I got a bit drunk and you wanted me to meet Casey.”
“You were more than a bit drunk.”
I shrug. “You were depressed.”
“Apparently.”
My recoil is unstoppable. “That sounds like you don’t think you were.”
“I don’t know what I was.”
“Well, did they help? The pills, I mean.”
“Yes, they helped.” He tilts his head at me when I squint. “What?”
“You don’t take them anymore?”
“No. Why?”
“Well, I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder if you should.”
It’s Jude’s turn to recoil. “I’m not depressed. Do you think I’m depressed?”
“Maybe more angry than depressed.”
“You think I’m angry?”
“Youdon’t?” I didn’t mean to sound astounded.
“I assume you’re talking about the occasions when—”
“You had my brother by the throat, a member of staff thrust up against a wall, a colleague of mine on the floor after you booted his chair out from under him? Yes. Yes, I’m talking about those occasions.” And more.
His eyes narrow, unimpressed. “Isn’t a man allowed to be pissy if another man tries to come on to his woman?”
I laugh, leaning forward, getting my nose close to his. “Only one of those men was trying to come on to me. The other two were innocent bystanders.”
“So I act first, think later.”
