Page 139 of Konstantin
“Why did you?” The agony in his voice hits me harder than anything.
My mouth trembles as I try to hold back the overwhelming shame. It’s hard to explain, harder to even face it.
“I couldn’t handle what I learned during therapy.” My lashes flutter to a close. “I’m a failure.” The words feel like acid in my throat.
“No. Don’t you ever call yourself that,” he snaps, a protective growl that catches me off guard, cutting through the fog in my mind.
His hands cup my face, forcing me to meet his gaze, and the look in his eyes—so full of affection—makes my heart ache.
“It’s okay, malyshka.It’s okay.”
He leans in and presses a soft kiss to my forehead, tender, yet charged with an intensity that cracks something inside me wide open.
“I’ll never leave you,” he vows. “I’ll always be here.”
Those words wrap around me like a lifeline, grounding me when I feel like I’m drowning.
I want to run with him. Take him and disappear back to France, back to when things were simpler. But I know I can’t. This is my reality now, and I have to face it, no matter how unbearable it feels.
Gerardo was never a father to Nate or me. He was a liar, a murderer, a conman, and I fell for it all like a fucking fool. He probably thought I was pathetic for believing he was ever really there to help us.
That’s why I did what I did. That’s why I snapped. I couldn’t face it. Couldn’t face the truth of everything I had ever known about him and what it meant for me. What it meant for Nate.
“Please don’t lock me up here,” I whisper, panic creeping in. “It’ll only make it worse. Please, I just need to go home.”
If he forces me to stay, I won’t survive it.
He hesitates, his hand tightening around mine. “I don’t know if you’re ready for that yet.”
“I am,” I say quickly, sitting up despite the heaviness in my body. “I’ll go back to my regular therapist. I’ll do whatever I have to do, Konstantin. I don’t want to hurt myself, I swear. I’m done with that. This was just…a mistake. Please…” The back of my throat throbs.
“Do you know how hard it is for me to tell you no?”
My stomach turns to knots as the silence stretches.
“Okay,” he says after a long pause. “You can come home. But...”
There’s a hesitation, a moment of distress in his expression.
“But what?” My pulse hammers, already dreading what’s coming next.
His fingers tighten around mine. “If I find out you’re not going to your appointments, or if it doesn’t help, Iwilladmit you. You won’t get the choice then. Because it’s my job to protect you. Even fromyourself.”
I nod quickly, desperation and determination flooding through me.
“I’ll do whatever it takes. I swear.” My voice cracks. “I’ve been through this before. I stopped when I was seventeen. And believe me, no one feels worse than me right now. But I’ll do the work. I can do this again.”
“Yes, you will.” He brings my knuckles to his lips. “You are strong. Moya l’vitsa.” He leans in and presses another kiss to my forehead, this one somehow filled with more meaning. “You don’t ever have to go through this alone. You have me.”
I can’t stop the tears from tumbling down my cheeks, and I lean into him, feeling the serenity of his embrace as his big strong arms hold me steady.
“This was just a slip,” I tell him. “A bad one. And I know it went too far, but I swear I wasn’t trying to die, okay?”
His jaw tightens as he pushes back, a muscle in his face twitching as if the words are physically painful for him to hear. “I hope not. Because if you die, I die. You understand?”
Emotions pound behind my eyes.
“Seeing you like this…” He chokes up. “It kills me. Do you know that? Watching you suffer, it’s killing me.”
