Page 111 of Playing the Game
“I know, but we can.”
I glance around the room, hoping for something to take me away. “It looks like you were packing.”
“Yeah, I was. I didn’t get far.” He shrugs. “Tell me what you meant about not being able to give me that.”
I walk to the crib with a tightness in my ribs. “I can’t do it again, Jami.”
“Do what again?” He follows me, stopping by my side.
“Get pregnant.” My voice comes out in barely a whisper.
“Did the doctor tell you that?”
“No.” I swallow the agony bubbling in my throat. “I don’t think I can consciously try to have a baby.”
His face pales. “What? Why?”
“I don’t want to get pregnant ever again.” My breathing shallows. “I can’t lose another one. I can’t go through that again.”
He grips the side of the crib. He turns his head and stares at his son’s name nailed to the wall.
His breathing grows heavy. “It’s his...”
He shakes his head. The air around us grows pained.
“It’s his, what?” I place my hand over Jami’s and give it an encouraging squeeze.
“A year ago today.” He winces as he moves his right hand over his heart and rubs it. “It happened a year ago today.”
My stomach bottoms out. I’ve told him I don’t want to get pregnant again the very day he’s mourning the anniversary of the death of his son. Talk about a blow.
Way to go, Dori.
“Jami, I’m so sorry.” I shrink as guilt rains over me. “I see your tattoo every day, but I didn’t make the connection with today’s date.”
His head remains down. “I didn’t expect you to.”
I race through the morning, trying to find a sign.
How did I miss the sadness he’s carrying right now?
He had been laughing with me earlier. When we came back up here to talk, he was kind. He even cracked a few jokes. It doesn’t make sense.
“You seemed to be in a good mood today.” My heart breaks in half. “Jami, why didn’t you say something?”
“I couldn’t.” He swallows hard. “I just thought I could get through today by focusing on us.”
Tears trickle over his stubbly beard and drip onto the floor.I carefully step to him and hug him. His arms hang by his side.
I take them and place them around my waist, then go back and encircle his neck, taking him in an embrace. “Let it out, babe. Just let it out.”
He folds into me and buries his face at the nape of my neck. Tears soak my skin as he splits in half.
CHAPTER 25
JAMISON
My soul is shatteredas I cry in Dori’s arms. The agony of everything I’ve lost attacks me like a million wasp stings. My parents. My son. Our baby. And now this.
