Page 91 of Playing With Secrets
I’ll end up hurting her, or she’ll rip me apart again. Either way, I lose.
No more than thirty minutes with her and she has me undone. In an instant, I realize without a shadow of a doubt that loving her might actually break me. The power she has over me is frightening to the bone.
She pushes herself up and indignantly asks, “Jami, why did you stop?”
“This is wrong.” I shake my head as I force myself to get back in control.
My skin prickles at the thought of how terrible this could go.
“I guess you’re back to running hot or cold.” She curses under her breath and wiggles to free herself from below me.
“Oh, no, you don’t. You don’t get to be mad because I made a good decision for us. This is the same shit that got us into this fucked-up mess in the first place.” I shift away so I’m sitting on the edge of the couch.
Her face is set in a deep, frustrated frown. She sits beside me and grabs her sweater off the floor, pulling it on as her lips protrude in a dramatic pout.
I hate seeing her upset. It’s like someone reaches into my chest and squeezes my heart into a tiny ball. Nothing else matters other than making her feel better.
I softly place my hand on her thigh. “Dori, look at me.”
“Why? So you can show me how selfish I am with one peek into your eyes?”
“No. That’s not what I think. When we’re together in private, I can’t handle it. I lose all control because I’mthinking with an adolescent boy's brain about all the things I want to do to you.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“You need to understand I stopped it not because I didn’t want it, but because I do.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“Look, if we end up having sex tonight, where does that lead us?”
“It takes us to a new level. One where we can explore how it works with us.” She reaches for my hand, so I give it to her.
“We’re not ready for that. If we start up right now, it’ll get hot and heavy within two seconds. Everything would be great until tomorrow rolls around.”
“I’m not following.”
“Hunter would come strolling into your office and see us together. He would know instantly. And how would you feel about that?” I squeeze her hand gently to encourage her to be honest.
“I don’t know.” She shifts to sit sideways, moves her legs up on the sofa, and hugs her knees. “I get the feeling he’s been less than honest with me about some things.”
It’s about time she figures that out. I keep my mouth shut because of my agreement with him. No bashing allowed.
“Let’s not talk about him. Let’s focus on us. You say you want to build something, and so do I.”
“You do?” She flashes me a hopeful smile.
“Yes. We just need to go slow so we don’t get caught up in this intense connection. Let’s start with being friends again, then we can see if we still want this.” I rest against the back of the sofa and move my arm over the top of it.
Her gaze follows my movement. “I’ll always want this. That won’t change.”
I know what she’s talking about because I’ll always want it too. My head drops forward as I sink into that fact. Her fingertip touches my biceps and traces the tattoos.
Her head dips to the side to follow where the ink goes. “Why do you get all these?”
“I like the pain.”
“Why?”
