Page 22 of Playing With Secrets
“Call him back and tell him you don’t want him to come over because you’re going to bed.” I relax my stance, trying to show her I’m not trying to be confrontational. “He doesn’tknow you’re still at risk of something going wrong. He won’t know what to watch out for.”
She freezes, and agony rips through her eyes. “Maybe that’s for the best.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I won’t have him staring at me like you are. It means I can…deal with this without you here. I know what to watch out for. I don’t need you hovering over me to remind me of everything I’m losing.”
What she’s losing?
No.
What we’re losing.
I round the island and advance until I’m a foot in front of her. “It’s not his baby.”
Her eyes swell and streams of tears slide down her cheeks. “It’s not ours either.”
Searing pain punctures my heart. The realization that we don’t get our child in the end knocks the wind from my lungs.
I gasp for air, spinning around as I do. I place my hands on my hips as my gaze bounces along the floor, working hard to breathe. “But it is.”
“What?”
“It is our baby.”
“Stop, Jami. Saying that only makes this a thousand times worse.”
Loss after loss stack in my chest, making it difficult to get a decent amount of oxygen to my lungs. I stay standing, facing away from her.
Am I just supposed to forget about this and act like it’s not killing me inside?
What does Dori need from me right now?
What do we need right now?
She brushes by me and grabs my jacket off the coat rack. “Hunter will be here soon. It’s time for you to go. You can’t be here when he arrives.”
My eyes meet her hardened gaze. “I don’t want to leave. You need me.”
“What I need is to focus on getting better. I need you gone so Hunter and you don’t have a knock-down drag-out fight tonight. I need you to go to your place and make sure my brother doesn’t find out about any of this. Anything else doesn’t matter. Can’t you see that?”
A wave of grief sucks me under. I glance back at the grocery bags I placed on her coffee table after I went to the store for her. All the feminine products she’ll need to get through this are in those bags. My rib cage tightens and I have to look away.
There’s nothing I can do. I can’t change the outcome. It doesn’t matter if I stay here or not. She will miscarry our child. It might not happen tonight, but it will soon enough. My losses keep adding up and my soul can’t take anymore.
I face Dori and shake my head. I can’t find the right words to make her feel better.
“Please, Jami. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
With that, I know she won’t let me console her. I’m making it worse by trying to force the issue. And she’s right. She doesn’t need Hunter and me going to war tonight, nor Aiden finding out about us.
On autopilot, I stride over to her and take my jacket from her hands. Numb and detaching myself from the reality of the situation, I nod.
“You’ll call me if you need anything?”
“I’m aware of how this goes. If something happens that I can’t handle, I’ll let you know.” She wipes the remaining tears from her cheeks.
I step to her to give her a hug goodbye, but she holds her hand out, stopping me.
