Page 116 of Playing With Secrets
DORI
The ballof guilt stuck in my throat goes down as I swallow. The torture I’m putting Hunter through fills my body with shame. I shrink because the sad look on his face guts me.
“Hunter, I’m sorry. I wish I had the answers you want.” I get up and stand before him, knowing Jami asked me not to end things with Hunter completely until he gives me the go-ahead.
“Can I ask how you’re dealing with Jamison around all this?” Hunter rests his butt against the counter and folds his arms over his chest.
What I did with Jami tonight flashes in my mind. My cheeks heat, so I escape the situation by returning to the couch.
“Honestly, it’s easier with him.”
“Please don’t walk away from me. Just explain what you mean.”
I face Hunter with guilt oozing from my every pore. “It’s just different. If I move forward with Jami, nothing in my life changes.”
“Really? Nothing?” Hunter pushes off the counter. “If youget involved with Jamison, you lose me. So does that mean I’m nothing to you?”
“No, Hunter. That’s not what I mean. I’m saying I don’t have the work issue weighing on me.”
He releases a frustrated breath. “I’m starting to think you prefer Jamison over me.”
“Hunter, how I feel about him is different than how I feel about you. You and I have a passion that’s off the charts. We have a lot of fun with each other, but I know nothing about you.”
“How can you say that? You know me more than most.”
“Anytime we start a deep conversation, you either get mad or come on to me to avoid the topic. I want more…I don’t know, closeness.”
“What kind of closeness? Because something tells me you don’t mean sex.”
“Christmas is right around the corner. I’d like to be able to celebrate it with my boyfriend. I’m sure you’re getting together with your family and there’s no way I could go with you. That hurts because I feel like I’m a dirty secret, but I’m sure Ava could go.”
“And if you’re with Jamison, can you be out in the open?” Hunter tilts his head and shrugs like he’s hinting at something.
My brow furrows. “What are you getting at?”
“How would your brother feel about you and Jamison being in a relationship?”
What the…?
“I don’t know.” I scan Hunter’s face. “Why would you bring my brother into this?”
“They’re best friends, so I wonder how that would impact their relationship.”
Does Hunter know something about this?
My throat constricts and I stop talking. We need to focus on the roadblocks in our relationship, so I steer it back.
“Being in a relationship with you means we live in a fake reality.”
“The way I feel about you is anything but fake.” He joins me on the couch.
“I know that.” My shoulders roll forward. “What do you want me to do, Hunter?”
“Give us a chance. I want us to go back to how we used to be. I want us to go public and deal with all the repercussions together. You know I won’t let you fall, personally or professionally.” He inches closer to me.
His hopeful green eyes plead with me. I avert my gaze and glance at the fireplace.
“You can’t control what happens to me professionally.” I stand and walk toward the window. “My career is important to me.”
