Page 72 of Playing With Secrets
Dorothy’s been begging me to get more emotional with her, so here I am trying. It boggles my mind she doesn’t think sex is intimate enough, but she’s always confused the fuck out of me.
“Hunter, it’s not that I don’t want you. I’ve always told you that’s not where our problems are. If a healthy relationship were only about great sex, we’d never have to worry. Our issues are much deeper than that.” She slides my drink to me.
“But we don’t even have sex anymore, so where does that leave us?”
She places the corkscrew back in a drawer and closes it. She scans my face and sighs heavily. Nothing about it gives me hope this is going to end the way I want it to.
“I’ve been thinking a lot, Hunter. You’re wonderful to me in so many ways.”
“But…” I take a sip of my whiskey and try to keep my heart from cracking.
“I wonder what my life would look like if we were to take it to another level.”
“What level would that be? Because where I’m sitting, anything more than where we are now would be better.”
“One where we can share our feelings without fearing the worst is going to come out of it.” She grabs the cutting board.
“I’m not understanding. We talk about things all the time. It’s only when Jamison comes up that things get uncomfortable between us.” I pick up the knife and gesture to the cutting board. “I’ll slice the strawberries while you finish with the spinach.”
“Thanks.” She hands them to me. “I would agree that Jamison’s a big trigger for you. But he’s not what set you off on Saturday night. He might have been the tipping point, but you were extremely upset when I brought up your reaction to me when I leave you.”
I’m not going to touch on that subject right now because it’ll end up with us in another fight. That topic can stay buried in an iron box as far as I’m concerned.
I slice a strawberry and slide it to the side of the board. “Just where do you and Jamison stand? I couldn’t help but notice you were whispering things to him today at lunch.”
She takes a sip of wine and turns to her sink to rinse the spinach. “Jamison and I aren’t on the best of terms. My comments to him today were all about work. It’s the only way I can get him to talk.”
“It sounds like you’re still hoping you’ll get a resolution regarding your relationship with him.”
“Of course I am. I never said I was going to give up on that.”
“Does questioning our connection have anything to do with him?”
I shouldn’t ask because he gets my blood boiling, but he has been keeping his word to me lately. Maybe we can become true allies.
He even had my back today with Isabella. I don't think anything happened with her that night because I was too drunk to do anything, but it wouldn't be ideal if Dorothy found out Isabella stayed over.
Just thinking about her makes my skin crawl. If Dorothy ever finds out about her spending the night, she’ll put even more distance between us.
Dorothy interrupts my thoughts. “I won’t lie to you, Hunter. What happened between Jami and me caused me to think about you and where we stand.”
“In what ways?”
She finishes rinsing the spinach and faces me. I take the pile of sliced berries and put them in a bowl.
She stops what she’s doing and gives me her full attention. “When I’m with you, things are great, but we live in a bubble.How do we get more serious when we’re secluded at my place or yours?”
“We go out sometimes.”
“Occasionally, we venture to your club or the restaurant in your building when I’m feeling brave. That’s not much of a relationship. It’s a torrid affair that could end with me not having a job.”
I shake my head because she uses this as an excuse and it’s starting to poke at my nerves. “We’ve been over this a million times. Let’s take it to the board and get the clause removed.”
“I’m not willing to risk it when we have no guarantee they’ll agree. And before you say it, we are nowhere near close enough to get married, so that’s off the table.” She picks up a towel and pats the spinach leaves down.
My chest tightens, reminding me that my heart could get crushed at any moment. But I’m over going around in circles. I place the knife down and stand.
I walk over to her and face her straight on. “This is going to stop right now. We’ve been over and over this. Just come out and say it. What’s the real reason you’ve taken sex out of our relationship and won’t commit to me?”
