Page 65 of Playing With Secrets
“How do you know that?”
“He told me. I guess she gives Hunter information her dad tells her and he gets her in the media so she can land a high-caliber modeling contract. If you don't have media contacts, you won't achieve anything.”
Jami looks me over as he considers something. An expression I’ve never seen from him flashes across his face. He peers at me with a veil over his eyes, and I’m lost as to what it could be.
I go back to the chair and recline. “What? Does that upset you?”
“No. I’m just surprised you and Hunter have discussed it.”
“I asked him about their relationship once and he explained it to me. It’s not a big deal, so I don’t think about it anymore.” I gesture between us. “Can we get back to why I came down to talk with you?”
“Of course. Anything is better than talking about him.” Jami shifts to give me his full attention. “Continue with what you wanted to say.”
“I’m sorry for how I treated you and my actions that day. Iwas doing anything to pretend it wasn’t real. You didn’t deserve to get the brunt of that.”
“I owe you an apology of my own.” He walks over to the chair beside me and takes a seat next to me.
“Why do you owe me an apology?”
“You were hurting and going through something that you already had a tough experience with. You were dealing with the grief of both your miscarriages that day.”
A zing of pain strikes me. “That doesn’t excuse my behavior.”
“I know, but instead of showing you the understanding you needed, the grace and support, I got defensive and gave you hell. For that, I’m sorry.” His loving gaze connects with mine.
He’s literally a saint to forgive me, but I shouldn’t be surprised. He always does.
I peer deep into his eyes. Our connection sparks. The tension in the room hangs heavy. My chest heats and my stomach clenches.
It’s the first time since this all happened I’ve had a genuine sexual response. I couldn’t stop it if I tried.
I cross my legs and break our stare. “That’s more than considerate to give me that kind of grace. I don’t deserve it, but I accept your apology.”
“Thanks.”
“Jami, I wish I would’ve allowed us to deal with it together. On the contrary, I pushed you away and buried my grief with Hunter. Neither one of you deserved what I did.”
“I wish we would’ve been there for each other. It would’ve been nice to hold you, knowing I was giving you what you needed.” He leans over and squeezes my knee.
I place my hand over his before he can pull away. “Me too. I’m not sure how we would’ve gotten around Aiden, but we needed each other and I ruined it.”
“We made a mess of something incredibly painful. Maybein the future, we’ll have a better understanding of the deeper issues at play and treat one another from a place of compassion and love.” He squeezes my leg one more time and then pulls his hand away.
“Do you think you can forgive me for what I did?”
He takes a breath and runs his hand down his cheek. “I won’t lie to you. What you did still bothers me, but I’ll work toward forgiving you.”
“Thank you.”
He nods. “I’m sure you were doing anything to forget what you were going through. We all do strange things to get through terrible occurrences.”
“That’s exactly what I was doing. It goes a little deeper than that, but I’m not ready to talk about that yet. When I am, I promise I’ll come to you.” The fear of ever getting pregnant again presses on my chest.
Jami wants kids, and I don’t know if I can get to the point where I’m not terrified about being pregnant. I glance at my hands, and my strength takes over.
I can’t lose him.
For whatever reason, I feel complete when I’m with him. My heart pounds as I let down some of my walls.
