Page 126 of Playing A Risk
“I need to get out of here. I need to be alone and think.”
“That doesn’t work and you know it. How many times do you need to learn the lesson? When you shut down and go missing in action, everything gets fucked up. Just look at what you’ve done to Jamison.”
I stop in my tracks and grit my teeth. “Leave him out of this.”
“Fine, I’ll leave him out of this, but think before you run out that door. If you leave and block me out of your life like you have with him, where do you think that will lead?”
Hunter grips my arm and turns me to face him. “Because this is what you do. You’ve done it since I’ve known you. Something happens, you panic and shut down. You react without thinking of the consequences.”
“I don’t?—”
“You did it when Jonah almost found us together and you’re trying to do it now. Find your strength and deal with your problems like an adult.”
He’s right. Every time I’ve shut down and closed off communication with Jami so I can get my thoughts straight, I’ve made a bigger mess. It’s why he and I can never find our way to each other.
How I ruined everything with him hits me like a tsunami, drowning out my anxiety. I’ve lost him because of how I reacted. I jumped to conclusions and haven’t faced my problems like I should.
Melanie didn’t confide in me either because I’ve been too self-absorbed. I’m losing both of them and can’t face losing anyone else.
Heartbreak washes through me and I crumble into Hunter’s arms. “Don’t walk away from your child to save us. If you do, it will have the opposite effect. I’ll resent you and end up leaving. I can’t lose you too.”
He wraps his arms around me. “Can we please sit down and discuss this? I’m really confused right now, so I can only imagine how you’re feeling.”
I nod and he leads us back to the couch while holding me as I cry. “Why is this happening?”
He sits me down. “I don’t know. I wish I did, but I just don’t know.”
There’s a magazine on the kitchen island where I sit. I pull it closer while I’m doing a video therapy session with Samantha.
“The good news is, Melanie and I have worked everything out. I told her I realize I’ve been a terrible friend and that from here on out, she’s the focus.”
Samantha gives me a supportive smile. “That’s a good start, but I’m sure she’s happy to share your time together without it being one-sided. Relationships are a give and take.”
My empty chest squeezes. “I know, but I’ve been the one taking in all my relationships. It’s time I give a little. No, it’s time I give a lot.”
“Which leads us to Hunter. You say you’re considering helping Hunter if this child is his. Tell me more about how you came to that decision.”
A wave of hurt ricochets around my insides. “We talked and I realized I’m fine with being a parent. I just don’t want to get pregnant again.”
“Why?”
“Because I would worry about losing the baby. I love kids, so why not have them in my life?”
She nods. “If that’s true, why was it such a problem when you found out about Jamison’s son?”
All the pain of that night rolls over me like a Mack Truck. I push it down and try to focus on her question.
“The betrayal of keeping him from me caused the issue. Not because he had a child.”
“Dori, you were going to have a baby with him. That got taken away from you. How do those two things correlate for you?”
I blink and glance at the magazine like the answer is inside its pages. “I don’t know, but I know I’ve been selfish. Heshould’ve told me about his son, but I should’ve stayed and let him explain everything before I ran out.”
She tilts her head. “That sounds to me like you’re having some regret.”
My response is instant. “Sure, I have regret.”
“About what?”
