Page 138 of Never Die for a Sinner
“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” My voice is rough with sleep. A tremor moves through my hands. I’m losing my goddamned mind because I could have hurt her in my sleep.
“I’m okay,” Ava says, her tone gentler. “You just scared me.”
She attempts to push me back to lie down, but I don’t let her. There’s no way in hell I’m lying down beside her again.
“Fuck,” I grit under my breath, rising from the bed to put some distance between us.
“Levi, I’m okay,” she says when I start to pace. I pace because if I don’t, I’ll break something.
I should have never fallen asleep with her. I let her talk me into it, and look what almost happened. I’m so much bigger than her. She’s so small. I could hurt her so easily and never know what was happening until I woke up. I feel sick to my stomach atthe thought.Thisis why the contract is in place.Thisis why she has to stay away from the real me.
My nightmares are right. I’m no better than what I’m trying to protect her from.
“I shouldn’t have slept here,” I murmur. I scrub a hand through my hair. “I fell the fuck asleep. I never fucking fall asleep.”
“I’m okay. You just squeezed me a little too hard,” Ava says gently, rising in her knees to reach for me. “You were mumbling in your sleep. What were you dreaming about?”
“I’m fine, Ava. I’m not talking about it.”
“But—”
“I said it’s none of your fucking business.” I snap, and she falls back to the bed like I slapped her.
I fucking hate that she’s afraid of me with every fiber of my being, but I hate myself even more. For wanting her, even though I can’t have her. For not realizing sooner that she was in trouble. For not doing anything about it, the second I learned the truth.
I’ve failed her every step of the way. And now, here I am, disappointing her again because I can’t be what she needs.
I’m not gentle or soft. I’m not the type of man you introduce to your parents and family. I’m an asshole. I fuck dirty, and I fight even dirtier.
She’ll figure out eventually to stop trusting her heart with men like me.
“Why do you act like this?’ she breathes, and something hot and unpleasant slides down my throat.
Releasing her, I step away from the bed.
I shouldn’t have fallen asleep.
I chance a glance at her and find myself unable to move.
I’ve stared down the barrel of a gun. And yet, this is more terrifying. Because for a brief second, I allow myself to picture what it would be like to tell her the truth. Tell her all the things that keep me up at night. Why I’m secretly so fucking scared of everything all the time, and why I’ll never be the man she deserves because I turn that fear into anger until it’s swallowing me whole.
“I don’t . . . know,” I admit finally.
My answer feels too honest and open. Like a window to the truth, and my first instinct is to black it out by saying something mean so she can’t see what I’m hiding.
“Just stay out of my business. What’s in my nightmares is none of your concern.”
We’ve all got secrets. It’s just . . . some of us have darker ones, and as far as secrets go, mine are pitch black.
She’d lose her shit if she knew what I really dream about.
In the moonlight streaming through the window, Ava’s eyes shine with unshed tears. I think it would be less painful if I swallowed battery acid.
“Go back to sleep. Sorry, I woke you.”
“Levi,” she rushes. Reaching for my hand when I turn to leave. I look back at the concern in her eyes, and my skin bristles. “I’m worried about you.”
“Save your worry for someone who needs it, Ava.”
