Page 223 of Never Die for a Sinner
Nearly every night after he leaves, I find myself lying awake at night in the quiet of the house, wondering what he’s doing in that very moment. If he’s thinking about me, too, or if I’m reading too much into his helping.
Then I kick myself for thinking anything but.
Of course, he’s helping to win me back. It’s working. Slowly, but surely, he’s moving back into my heart, though I don’t think he ever really left.
I want to forgive him, but I don’t know how. After everything, I know I can trust him with my life, but my heart?
I’m not sure I could survive losing him twice.
I’m starting to settle into my new life, going out with Mila and Bella for dinner, and searching for job opportunities, though I have no idea what I want to do with my life. A week after my hospital visit, I received another transfer from an anonymous account for the sum of one million dollars. My hands trembled when the lady on the phone told me, and I swear I threw up in my mouth because that kind of money isn’t something that ever remotely crossed my mind.
The same day, an envelope arrived, but instead of a long letter detailing more reasons why he left, it was a simple picture of my father and me from the day I was born.
My heart swelled, looking at the photograph and the sprawling writing on the back.
Forever my retribution.
—Nolan Marks
I framed it and put it on the mantel in the hopes that someday, I can make amends and find the same little girl whoused to dream of her father, and tell her that he might deserve a chance, after all.
And that’s when I realize, while watching Levi patch a hole in the drywall in the hallway, that everyone makes mistakes. Even ones they think are for the greater good.
The weeks pass, and eventually, I finish cleaning the living room. I move onto the kitchen and don’t even notice that Levi’s not fixing random broken things anymore. He’s just helping me pack up everything I don’t want and clean what’s left.
Life feels . . . normal. Like the last six months didn’t happen. Like falling in love all over again, even though you know that at any moment life could rip the rug out from under you.
It feels like meeting him for the first time, and I can’t deny that my heart has already forgiven him, even if my mind can’t.
It’s not until February that I offer to let him stay for dinner.
He hesitates, his gaze searching mine for entirely too long. I almost back out, my cheeks flaming red, before he finally agrees, a devious glint in his eyes that makes my stomach dip.
“Whatever you want.”
We end up ordering pizza and sitting on opposite sides of the couch, watchingDie Hard, and otherwise trying to navigate this new territory.
“This isn’t really much of a Christmas movie,” I joke somewhere halfway through.
Levi grins. “Takes place on Christmas. That makes it a Christmas movie.”
I roll my eyes, though I can’t hide the grin that spreads on my lips.
“You’re impossible,” I murmur, shaking my head.
“You’re perfect.”
Somewhere near the end of the movie, I must fall asleep, because when I wake up, I’m in my bed and he’s sliding the blankets over me.
He pauses when I peer up at him, too exhausted to fight sleep.
Neither of us says anything for a long moment, both of us frozen. It’s the closest we’ve been in months, and yet, I can’t deny there’s a large part of me that wishes he would stay.
But he doesn’t. I guess both of us realize we aren’t there, yet.
“Goodnight, Ava.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat.
