Page 218 of Never Die for a Sinner
“Alive. For now.”
I shake my head, lying back in the bed. I feel like someone put me in a washing machine on the bulky setting. Everything hurts.
“Guess you were right,” I say after a long time. “Alex was dangerous.”
Levi looks like he might break something.
“I should have known, Ava. I should have seen the signs. I’m sorry.”
I shake my head.
“The money from the contract . . . it was my father’s, wasn’t it?”
He clears his throat, his voice husky and thick. “All except for one dollar.”
I don’t know why I’m relieved, but I am. In some cruel twist of fate, I realize he’d done this solely to protect me. Not for money.
So why do I still feel like the line between us has been severed?
The weight of reality crashes down on me like a ton of bricks. I can’t do anything but stare at the wall in front of me and hope I’ll wake up back in his cabin and this will all have been a bad dream.
Who am I kidding?
I could never get that lucky.
“Why . . .” I can’t finish that sentence. The why doesn’t matter. Just that he didn’t tell me.
“He asked me not to.”
My heart cracks a little bit at that statement.
I want to snap back at him and ask why Nolan Marks deserves loyalty, and I don’t, but I keep my mouth shut. Arguing about it won’t do any good.
The damage is done.
I shake my head, ignoring the sting of tears in my eyes.
“Was . . . anything the truth?”
Levi looks as broken as I feel. Like he wants to reach for me, but he’s holding himself back. Paulina’s words come to mind, and my chest aches, wishing I could wrap myself around him and forget any of this happened.
Start again from the beginning.
“Every time I touched you,” he says, voice barely above a whisper. “That was real.” My heart quivers, and my eyes fill with tears that sting in my eyes. “Every time I held you . . . that wasreal. Everything I said or couldn’t say about how I felt? That was real, too.”
“You hid things from me. Big things, Levi.” I shrug, sadly. “I don’t know if I can trust you again.”
“I’m not sorry for what I did,” he says finally, his voice rough like sandpaper. “I’m only sorry . . . that I didn’t tell you that I’m in love with you sooner.”
I don’t like this side of him. How sad he is. I want to erase his pain. Swallow it all myself so he doesn’t have to feel it anymore, but I know that’s not possible. I’m hurting too, and for the first time in my life, I’m realizing that’s okay.
“Why the contract?”
He finally meets my gaze head-on, those icy blue eyes boring into my soul.
“Because I knew there was no way you’d let me love you if you knew who I really was.”
“You’re a good person, Levi. One who had horrible things happen to him. I’ll never fault you for the things you did to protect your family. I wasn’t lying when I said I fell for you. Hard.” I shrug, giving him the most unhappy half-smile to ever exist. “I still am.” I shake my head. “Even if I know I shouldn’t be.”
