Page 157 of Never Die for a Sinner
Without thinking, I tilt her chin up gently, brushing my thumb along her jaw before leaning down and pressing a soft kiss on her forehead.
“I’ll be fine,” I murmur. “Go take care of what you need to.”
She lingers for a moment, her eyes searching mine. Then, she nods and follows the nurse out of the room, leaving Gran and me alone.
“Well, you may as well sit down. I’m sure they’re discussing end-of-life care, or whatever the hell they call it.”
I take the seat next to her, unsure what the fuck I’m supposed to say in a situation like this.
“I want to thank you, by the way.”
I cock a brow, confused.
“For taking care of her. She wouldn’t come out and say it, but I know she was struggling.”
“Don’t mention it,” I murmur gruffly. I wish I’d done it sooner.
“She’s always been a quiet girl. Never was much for parties or crowds. I suppose when the first decade of your life is chaos, you learn to avoid it.”
“Sounds like she’s only really ever had you.”
“And you . . . She likes you,” Gran says, her voice softer now. Quieter. Like she’s telling me a secret.
I nod slowly.
There’s something I want to say—but I can’t. The words are right there, burning the tip of my tongue, but they don’t come out.
“Some might even say love.”
My grip tightens on the armrests of the chair. The word hits me like a sucker punch.
Love.
Why the fuck is everyone accusing me of being in love lately? I’m a grown man, for Christ’s sake.
I’m not in love.
I’m obsessed.
They aren’t the same.
I’m not planning a future. I’m not building dreams. I’m just holding onto a moment I already know will slip through my fingers. Ava Ryan may be mine right now, but one day, she’ll belong to someone else.
I’ve known that from the beginning . . . so why the fuck does it feel like I took a knife to the ribs now?
“Some might,” I grunt, suddenly too warm. It feels like the walls are closing in on me. Or maybe it’s just the guilt.
Maybe it’s the pit of hell opening up underneath me for ever thinking I deserved her. Fuck, it wouldn’t surprise me at this point.
I’ve never deserved Ava. Especially not with the laundry list of secrets I’m keeping. Sooner or later, she’ll learn the truth, and God help me when she does because I don’t stand a fucking chance.
Gran watches me closely. She doesn’t smile this time. Instead, she twists the rose in her hands—absently, thoughtfully.
“You know, Levi,” she begins, voice turning serious, “I remember when Ava was a little girl. She was always so cautious. Always holding back. Even as she got older, she stayed in the background. Quiet and careful.”
I swallow against the lump rising in my throat. This isthattalk—the one I’ve never wanted to have. The one where you meet someone who finally realizes you’re not enough.
“That’s changed recently,” she says, locking eyes with me. “She’s coming into herself. I wonder why that is.”
