Page 153 of Never Die for a Sinner
The fucker thinks I haven’t already thought of this?
“The funny thing is, when they do, there won’t be anything left for them to find.”
LEVI
So, in this dream, what part do you play?”
Fuck me. Why’d I feel the need to mention the damn dream?
I should have just kept my mouth shut, but it slipped.
“She’s yelling at me.”
“Which one. The girl in the bed, or your mother?”
I run my tongue over my teeth.
“My mother.”
Proctor nods, scribbling something down in his pad.
If you want the truth, I’m ready to get out of here and get back to my girl. The last couple days I’ve spent holed up in the cabin with her, but it’s not enough. It’s like my blood can sense her, and all I want to do is forget about this state-mandated therapy and go to her.
There’s just one problem.
Every night, she’s ripped away from me in my dreams.
“Why do you think your mother was there and not your father?”
Because he’s too busy haunting the fucking house.
“I don’t know.”
Proctor eyes me. He sees right through me.
“Are you being truthful, Levi?”
Jesus Christ.
I scrub a hand over my face, listening to the sound of the clock on the wall. I swear the fucking thing is the loudest clock I’ve ever heard.
“I don’t know. Mom never did anything to me. She never hurt a fly.”
Shouldn’t have said that . . .
“Your father, though . . . he’s a different story, isn’t he?”
“Maybe.”
Proctor closes his book, placing it on his lap.
“Levi, is it possible that you’re imagining your mother in your father’s place because you haven’t accepted your father’s death?”
“Oh, I know the fucker’s dead.”I watched the life die in his eyes.
“That’s not what I mean. It could be that subconsciously, you’re harboring resentment towards your mother for leaving you so soon. Perhaps for leaving you with an abusive father.”
“I never said he was abusive.”
